Hold On to Me

The tips of his mouth quirked up to a half smile, the dimple near his chin making an appearance and she smiled. John took his shoes off and climbed into bed next to her. He moved in close, but worried about her not having enough space to move. Lifting his arm, he wrapped it around her shoulders and said, “Come here, honey,” and held her closer. He rubbed her shoulder, trying to help ease her discomfort. Alyssa rested her head on his chest, sighing as she did. Her whole body went lax as she softened against him.

For the first time in months, Alyssa was able to fully unwind without the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was safe and at ease, all because of John.

Releasing an exhausted sigh, she felt herself sinking back to sleep. He was the one person she could rely on through thick and thin, she felt it in her heart. If only she had followed her intuitions from the beginning perhaps she wouldn’t be in the predicament she was in now. And didn’t that just hurt?

Evening light filtered through the shades, the fan was on as high as possible cooling her overheated body. She could see the tip tops of the trees mixed in with the yellowish orange sunset. The blend of colors brought a little smile to her face. She loved the sunset.

Alyssa was actually released from the hospital later that afternoon after much pleading and begging. If her baby was okay, why did she need to stay there?

“You can stay in here with me,” she said, getting under the comforter in John’s bed. “There’s no reason why we can’t share a bed.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?” she pushed.

His hard eyes bore into her. “Because I don’t want to?”

“Oh,” she said dejectedly. Her eyes drifted away and she scooted under the sheets. She thought it was because he didn’t want to hurt her, but not wanting to sleep next to her was a different story. It hurt having him deny her when she craved his contact most. Especially now.

John would be leaving soon and the thought of him gone again left a gaping hole in her chest. Alyssa needed to toughen up, she knew she did, but it wasn’t easy. She was relying on him emotionally and he didn’t even know it. She was only setting herself up to fall in the end.

“How are your ribs?” John asked, standing in front of his bed. “Do you have a headache or anything?”

“I’m fine.”

A tick worked in John’s jaw. “Alyssa, now is not the time to be tough. If something hurts, I need to know.”

“I never said I was trying to be tough,” she whispered, her gaze drifting to his. “I’m fine.”

“You have black and blues on your face that makeup can’t even cover up, and your ribs are pretty fucked up. Why do I have a notion that you’re lying?”

She said nothing. The bruises were still very fresh and her body ached, but she didn’t complain.

“Fine,” he mocked. “I’ll be on the couch if you need me.”

Like she would call for him when he clearly didn’t want to be bothered. His sudden change in attitude puzzled her.

Alyssa tossed and turned all night trying to find a comfortable position. She was stressed to the max, unsure of where to go or what to do. She couldn’t stay at the Jackson’s house forever. Come hell or high water, she would figure it out. She had no choice at this point, but how would she when she only had her savings account to fall on? Granted, she saved every penny while working at Roxie’s, but eventually that would be drained.

Her body was beginning to relax, muscles loosening up as sleep was getting ready to take over, again. John’s bed felt like she was sleeping on clouds. Her eyes grew heavy. Just as they were about to roll shut, she heard the door creak open. John stepped into his room in nothing but shorts. He headed for his dresser, unaware that she was watching him. Alyssa’s mouth ran dry at the sight of him, all muscle and beauty. His skin was the shade of honey. She wanted to reach out so badly and run her hand down his back and over his firm shoulders. She wanted those strong arms wrapped around her, making her feel safe and wanted.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

John spun around. “Jesus. I thought you were sleeping.”

Her adorable smile carried through the darkened room. “Can’t sleep. What are you doing?”

John stiffened. His gaze traveled the length of her body. Even pregnant with a child that might not be his, Alyssa was still beautiful to him. He wanted to scoot under the covers, tangle her legs with his and hold her to him, kiss her plump lips and look deep into her sleepy eyes and promise her the world. He would give her everything, if he could.

Alyssa wore a tiny little white tank top—no bra. He could see the outline of her nipples, the dark pink showing through that begged for his mouth. And her perky, fuller breasts that threatened to spill over the top. His hands itched to caress them, to bring them to his mouth and kiss them gently. He wanted to bring her pleasure, joy, bliss, and knew that she probably hadn’t had any in a long time.

But that wasn’t happening. So all he could do was go for a morning run to burn off the steam.

“I’m going for a run. Go back to sleep.”

Alyssa’s smile vanished and the hurt in her eyes was felt across the room. Her chest deflated, just like his did as she turned, giving her back to him. Why was he being such an asshole? He never meant to treat her like shit, it was the last thing she needed. Alyssa’s shoulders were tight as she wrapped his blanket around her little body, the tension clear as day. John’s stomach ached knowing she was hurting, but he pushed it away and slipped on his shirt. His morning run was an absolute must right now. The steam he needed to blow off was mounting,

the pressure building on him to make it all right when he didn’t even know where to start.