Hold On to Me

She barely opened her swollen eyes. Judging from the blinds, the sun was just coming up. The fan caused the blinds to lightly sway and a melancholy light blue color peeked underneath the bottom and into the bedroom. Glancing at her phone, Alyssa read the text from John.

Yours Truly: Good luck today. I’m here if you need me.

Alyssa’s heart softened. John was lending his shoulder from hundreds of miles away. He was giving her strength and support all the while completing his Aviation training. It truly amazed her that he cared so much to send a text like that. She thought he would’ve forgotten about the hea

ring, but he hadn’t. He could be out with friends, or have a girlfriend that she didn’t know about, yet he was sending her a text letting her know she was on his mind. Alyssa heaved a heavy sigh.

A simple thank you was all she could respond with.

Yours Truly: I miss the sound of your voice. I want to know how you’re doing, how much longer until our son is born. I know you’re dealing with a lot, but don’t shut me out. Please call me tonight.

Our.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she sobbed silently, hunched over on John’s bed. Our son. He had said ‘our’ knowing that there was a chance she could be Ben’s. Her shoulders visibly shook as hot tears poured from her eyes. She couldn’t stop them from coming. She was hiccupping, little sounds escaping her throat. Not wanting to wake Brooke, Alyssa grabbed a pillow and placed it on her knees. She pressed her face into it and cried and cried, letting it all out. She hurt. Ached. The dull pain in her chest never seemed to go away. Alyssa was a wild mess and she only had herself to thank for it.

Suck it up. Suck. It. Up. She forced herself from the bed. Alyssa wiped the tears away with the hem of her shirt, grabbed the baby monitor and walked to the bathroom. She had only a few hours before she had to be in court.

Stepping out of the car, Alyssa locked it and dropped the keys into her purse. She took a deep breath and exhaled trying to get her nerves under control. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

Her stomach was in knots, her palms sweaty and her hands jittery. Would she see Ben? And if so, what would he say? She wasn’t sure of much, but one thing she did know was that she was going to ask for a paternity test or figure out what she needed to do in order to request one.

The doors to the court house opened and she walked through. “Where is family court,” she asked the police officer.

“Straight down the hallway, turn left, and then go straight. You’ll see an officer. Sign in with him before heading into the courtroom.”

“Thank you.”

She did as the officer said and took a seat behind the prosecutor’s desk. Her heart continued to pound, her nerves pulled tight. She had no idea what to expect. Anxiety was hitting her hard. All she could pray for was that Ben wouldn’t be released anytime soon.

At that moment, the doors to the left side opened and a shackled Ben came in wearing an orange jump suit. Her heart skipped a beat and a knot formed in the back of her throat. Ben eyed her immediately, his dirty gaze tracking down her body. He made her skin crawl. How could she have ever been so stupid to be with him? What had she been thinking? She’d been fooled by his boyish, bad boy charm, and free spirit.

Bad boys were never the answer. Nothing good could ever come from them.

He took a seat, all the while keeping his eyes trained on her. She turned and felt the heat of his stare as she kept her gaze on the judge’s seat.

“How’s my kid doing?” he yelled across the room.

She ignored him.

“I know you hear me.”

She ignored him, again, but could hear the irritation in his voice.

“Alyssa—How. Is. My. Kid?” he said slowly, drawing out each word.

“Don’t give in,” the prosecutor whispered over her shoulder at Alyssa.

“Now rise! The honorable Judge Galloway …” She became tongue tied the minute she saw the judge. Her stomach climbed into her throat, but she told herself to buck up and get with it. She was going to need her voice to be heard loud and clear if she wanted to take a stand for her and her daughter.

She wasn’t going to back down now.

Alyssa hadn’t spoken to him in over a week other than a quick text, but John was the first person on her mind once she stepped out of the courthouse. She needed him.

“Hello?”

Alyssa slammed the car door shut. “It’s over.” How had she made it through that? She held the phone to her ear with a shaky hand, pressing her head to the steering wheel.

“Alyssa?”