“Go,” Diane said when Alyssa looked over her shoulder at a sleeping Brooke in her stroller. “I’ll watch Brooke sleep.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. Go dance, sweetie.”
Before she had a chance to respond, John pulled her on to the dance floor and spun her around to his chest. Closing his eyes, he wrapped an arm around her lower back and embraced her intimately, chest to chest, cheek to cheek. He let out a satisfied breath, and they began swaying slowly to the music in the background. She fit perfectly against him. John’s heart hammered in his chest that he couldn’t stop the emotions pouring out of him. He pulled her a little closer to him.
He loved this girl.
No, he really loved her hard.
Life is too short and unpredictable. He had to take what was thrown at him and work with it the best he could. It hasn’t been easy keeping his head above the water, but he did what he could to survive so he wouldn’t drown. John learned the hard way, but now he was going to live each day with people he loved and would make sure they knew it. Jace went away unexpectedly, and if something ever happened to Alyssa and she didn’t know the depth of his love for her, he would never forgive himself.
He dipped his chin and got closer to her ear. “I love you, Alyssa,” he breathed as they swayed. At the word love, Alyssa squeezed his shoulder. The quick brushing of her eyelashes against his cheek had John wondering what was going through her mind. “I love you so much. You’re my heart, so is Brooke. You both are. There isn’t a minute that goes by when I don’t think of both of you. I love waking up next to you on the weekends.” John sighed. His chest ached with the weight of his words and prayed they wouldn’t backfire on him. “I just needed you to know this. After tonight, after watching my brother and Livy, I won’t push you anymore. I’ve tried to show you how much I care, but I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I told you I would always be here for you and Brooke, and I will, I’m not leaving, but I don’t know how much more my heart can take knowing you’re not fully mine. I’m no sap, but sometimes this love thing hurts. After Jace died, it forced things into perspective for me. I want us. You’re what I want. You and Brooke Elyse, but I don’t think I’m what
you want in the end. And that’s okay because I’ll still be here regardless until you’re ready to be on your own.”
The hammering in his chest was back and beating harder than ever. The pounding beat against the tightness, breaking him open. It was a risky move, but he had to. John had to tell her how he felt.
He closed his eyes, savoring the feel of her and kissed the edge of her jaw. “I needed you to know this.” Then he turned and fled the dance floor leaving Alyssa by herself.
John had to get out of there, he needed fresh air. Exposing himself felt more like he was suffocating.
But it was a chance he was willing to take.
He left her. He left her on the dance floor, alone, and cold. The absence of his body was felt and she shivered. Alyssa glanced around at the happy couples, smiling and enjoying themselves, and here she was alone. She locked eyes with Diane, and she couldn’t help but pour her pain into her. A sad smile plagued Diane’s face and then she nodded her head to the side.
“Go,” Diane mouthed.
Her feet took her out of the doors and down the stairs before she could process what she was doing. What would she say? What would she do? Alyssa had no clue. Her mind was numb to everything, except that she couldn’t let this moment pass. She had to talk to Johnny. What the hell? He didn’t even give her a chance.
She gripped the railing as she sped down the wide, spiraling stairs. She made sure not to fall as she watched each step she took into the lobby. Looking around, she stared down the empty hallway then to the double front doors. He wouldn’t … It was his brother’s wedding. Surely he didn’t leave, right?
Trekking back upstairs, Alyssa stepped outside to the balcony where the cocktail hour was held. The beautiful ivy vines clung to the side of the building, the same place where John didn’t leave her side.
“Where is he,” she mumbled to herself. Following the path to the other side, Alyssa didn’t see him. The slight chill in the fall air blew across her bare arms and she shivered. “Johnny … Where are you?” she asked herself. She checked the other side of the balcony, but he wasn’t there either. Her shoulders dropped and sadness washed over her. He hadn’t even given her a chance on the dance floor.
Maybe he was back in the reception hall? Alyssa stared at the ground as she made her way back to the door, defeat overpowering all her emotions when an arm snaked out and grabbed her. She yelped, and went to go scream but her mouth was covered by another.
What in the …
She knew those lips. That smell. Those hands holding onto her.
Johnny
“I’ll say it again if you need me to, if not, tell me to leave right now and I will. Tell me to take my hands off of you and I will. Tell me to never touch you again and I won’t.” He whispered against her lips. “God, Alyssa, it won’t be easy, but I’ll stop holding you, touching you, and I’ll walk away if that’s what you truly want in here.” He placed his hand over her heart. “Seeing my brother and Livy tonight made me realize that one day I want that with you. I want us and if you can’t do it, if you don’t see more for us, I need to know so I can stop pushing for something that isn’t there for you. I’ll never stop loving you. That, I will not do.”
She nodded.
“Yes?” he pulled back. His heart stopped. Ice cold shock ran through him. His face dropped along with his arms and he stepped back. “Okay. If that’s what you want. I can’t force this on you and I won’t.”
As he stepped to leave, Alyssa stopped him.
“Johnny.” He stopped walking but didn’t turn around to her. “Yes … I meant yes, for you to say it again,” her voice shook in the dark. John turned his head slightly, and then stopped.
Stalking toward her, he slid his hands along her neck and tipped her head back so she could meet his unwavering gaze. Yanking her to him, he pressed his hips into hers with force. His body ached for her. He wanted nothing more than to slide into her and call it a day. His fingers tangled in her soft locks, twisting his finger around.
“Alyssa, I can’t go back and forth with you. I know I said I would, but I just can’t anymore, and I’m sorry for that. I tried … I tried so hard. It’s either you want me, or you don’t. I want all of your heart, not just a fraction of it. Like I said, either way I’ll be there for Brooke. It’s up to you. But once we start this, that’s it. Got it? No more friends with benefits shit. You’re mine and I’m yours.”