I chuckled. “Sure. One with pretty blue hair, preferably.”
Beth beamed at me, then suggested, “Well, if we’re listening to this drama queen here, let’s go outside for some fresh air. Sit on the hood and drink beer? No one is around.”
We all agreed. We lounged on the hood of Theo’s car, Kara and I flanking Beth. They were drinking beer, but I declined. I didn’t want to get drunk when Kara needed me sober.
“So, what’s up?” Beth started.
Kara pulled her long legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her forehead on her knees. “Ver brought me to watch her boyfriend’s basketball practice today—”
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“—and my ex was there. I wasn’t feeling well so I left. Cameron saw me and eventually found me. He brought me to his place.” She shrugged. “Nothing happened. End of story.”
Beth nudged Kara and told her to stretch out her legs. She settled her head on my lap and draped her feet over Kara’s legs. I couldn’t help but smile at the way Beth fit with us, how at ease she was with us. “Come on. You gotta give me more than that.”
“There was no closure between us when we broke up,” Kara said. “We were happy, and then one day he just…changed.”
When Kara didn’t continue, I glanced at her. Tears were flowing down her cheeks, but she wasn’t blinking. I wondered if she was even aware she was crying.
“Kar?”
“I gave so much to that boy. I can’t possibly give anything anymore. That’s what I thought before he brought me back to his place, you know? That I was done. There was nothing more I could give before I went mental,” she sobbed, taking a long drink from her beer.
“But when I was there, I realized that I could still give him more of me. If that’s what he needed to come back to me. I’m such a pathetic loser.”
“No, Kar,” I said.
She shook her head. “I just need you to listen for now, okay?” she said, looking at me and Beth.
Beth and I nodded, helpless.
“Today at basketball practice, I knew he was going to be there. I knew it, but I still went because…because I’m a hypocrite. I say I don’t want to see him, but I’m lying. Because I still…I still love him. I know he still loves me, and I don’t understand what’s stopping him from being with me. I feel like he’s putting a barrier between us, and I can’t fucking climb over it.”
I understood what she was saying. I had placed barriers between me and Caleb, but I was scared he was finding ways to climb over them. I shook my head. Why was I thinking of Caleb? This was Kar’s night.
“You know there are different kinds of kisses from Cameron.” She sighed deeply. “His public kisses are just small nips here and there. There are the possessive kisses where he uses a little tongue. And then there’s the kiss where you know he won’t stop until you get what you both want, you know? And that’s normally when we end up in bed. All those times when he gave me the kiss, never once did he not make love to me. Never. But tonight, he stopped.” She started crying again. “He stopped, Ver, and I don’t fucking know why.” She was sobbing uncontrollably now, gut-wrenching cries that tore my heart.
Beth sat up, sensing that Kara needed me. She gave me space and slid off the car hood so I could scoot over and gather Kar in my arms. She curled herself to me, seeking comfort. Beth rubbed her back.
I had never seen Kara Hawthorne break down like this. She appeared so strong that I hadn’t even thought it possible.
“We don’t need to confess if we murder someone, you know,” Beth said. “I know a lot of good places to hide a dead body. Just saying.”
Kara looked at Beth like she’d sprouted another head, and then we all burst out laughing.
Kara rubbed her cheeks with her hands. “Dammit, I’m pathetic, aren’t I?”
I nodded. “Yes, you are.”
“Jeez—”
I held up a hand to stop her. “Listen. Do you want to know what I think or not?”
She stopped and turned to me. “Of course I do. Hit me.”
“Making someone the center of your universe is not healthy, and I think you’ve done that with Cameron. You’ve lost your friends because you’d rather be with him, and you’ve lost the old you, right?” I gave her a sympathetic look. I knew this because I’d watched it happen with my mom.
“You know when people say ‘You complete me’?” I continued. “I don’t believe in that. How do you complete someone when you’ve lost yourself in loving them? How do you find yourself? You have to learn to be strong without him, so when one of you is weak, you’re not stuck in the same hole of weakness together. That’s what will destroy you. You can’t be weak together.”