I have given you more of myself than I have given anyone, Caleb.
I closed my eyes and rested my head on the steering wheel.
She could have opened up my chest and ripped out my heart, and that would have been better than what I was feeling now.
I drove aimlessly, turning up the volume on the radio to block my thoughts. I didn’t realize until I was slowing down that I was on Kara’s street.
Red told me to let her go. What was I doing here?
Hadn’t I had enough of chasing someone who didn’t want me?
Why can’t I let her go?
I knew I should leave. But I parked on the street, staring at the light in the living room window. I was still angry, hurt, but like the loser I was, I hoped to catch a glimpse of her.
My eyes narrowed as I spotted a familiar figure on a motorcycle stop in front of Kara’s apartment. He was clad in a black leather jacket and black pants. His helmet covered his face, but I knew who it was.
His head was turned toward the door. He stayed there, his body tense, as if debating whether to go in or ride away.
I rolled down my window. “Want a beer?” I shouted.
He lifted his visor and nodded at me. “Back at my place.”
I nodded and followed him.
* * *
“Stalking your ex?” I asked Cameron when he stepped out from the kitchen into the backyard. It was almost two in the morning when we arrived at his place. I waited for him in his backyard while he got us some beers.
He handed me one and nodded, not even trying to deny it. “Now and then.”
“I’m ashamed to tell people that I know you.” I let out a breath. “But I can top that.”
“I don’t think so,” he scoffed, taking the seat beside me. “What were you doing at my…” He cleared his throat. “At Kara’s?”
It was easier to tell him since I’d caught him there first. “Same thing you were doing. Red…” My voice trailed off. Her face swam in my vision—angry, hurt, and then closed off as she told me not to call her that anymore. “Veronica,” I corrected, “is staying at your girl’s place. She ended it between us.”
Her name felt foreign on my tongue. Veronica. I loved her name. It was strong, beautiful. But she was Red to me.
“Sorry, man.”
Restless, I got up from my seat and walked to the edge of the pool, staring at the lights reflecting on the water.
“Yeah. We were doing good. No, fuck that. We were doing great. Or I thought we were. And then I fucked it up.” I chugged my beer. “Beatrice-Rose came over to my place.”
“Damn. Did your girl know about you and Beatrice-Rose?”
I could feel the headache coming on, so I pressed my fingers against my eyelids.
She isn’t my girl anymore.
“No. That’s another piece of crap on my shitty pile of things-I-should-have-told-her.”
He nodded. “I wouldn’t have told her either, if it’s any consolation. You didn’t necessarily lie to her. You just didn’t tell her.”
I nodded, pleased that he understood.
“But she wouldn’t see it that way, you know? Kara…” He cleared his throat. “Let’s just say I know how a girl gets when she finds out about your ex from another source. It’s not pretty.” He stood beside me, handed me another beer.