More Happy Than Not

“It’s Buzz Lightyear!” Thomas breaks Buzz free from the box and presses a button on his wrist; red lights blink.

Fat-Dave asks, “From Toy Story?”

Me-Crazy says, “Me-Crazy likes the talking piggy bank.”

Thomas goes into the whole story about how his asshole father said he would give him Buzz Lightyear for his ninth birthday and just drove away. “I’ve been waiting for this guy for so long. Thanks, Stretch.”

He reaches over and we fist-bump. “Nope. Not good enough. Get up.”

I stand and he full on hugs me, none of this one-arm hug with a pat-on-the-back nonsense.

Reasons Why I’m Feeling Warm Right Now:

I downed my drink pretty quickly on a fairly empty stomach.

Everyone on the roof is staring at us.

My unspeakable truth.

“No homo.”

“No homo,” I say back.

Everyone resumes drinking but Thomas sticks around. “Stretch, seriously: best birthday since I celebrated my sixth birthday at Disney World. Getting me Buzz Lightyear just made you beat Mickey Mouse.”

“I mean, Mickey Mouse never stood a chance, did he?”

“I have an idea on how I could top this night on your birthday.”

“It’s not a competition, dude.”

“Game on,” Thomas says with a smile. He leaves to grab another drink.

Maybe an hour or so later, the bottles are all empty and everyone clears out. I stop helping Thomas clean up because Genevieve is pretty damn drunk and needs to get home, so we bounce.

I’ve been trying to hail her a cab for a couple minutes now without much luck.

If the tension between us were a person, I would snap its neck and kick the corpse for good measure.

“I’m losing you again,” Genevieve cries.

“No you’re not, Gen—”

“Yes I am! Yes the fuck I am!” She’s crying harder and I don’t know what to say. A cab pulls up and she opens the door.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“You shouldn’t have to fucking ask if you should fucking take me home, Aaron!” I try to follow her into the cab but she pushes me back. “Not tonight. I’m going home alone to go punch a pillow or something. We can figure this out tomorrow.” She closes the door and the cab takes off.

I should chase after the cab. But the impulse isn’t there. In my head, I play a round of One Truth and a Lie.

I need Thomas to be happy. I need Genevieve to be happy.

I can’t keep lying to myself about the truth.

2

THE WAR INSIDE ME