More Happy Than Not

Hannah turns to Evangeline. “Are you his relative?”

“Family friend,” Evangeline says.

Hannah plays with her tablet some more. “I can schedule a consultation for Mr. Soto with our team for the twelfth of August at noon.” She reaches into a drawer, pulls out a folder, and slides it toward Evangeline. Before I can demand to be seen sooner, she says, “I’m afraid that is the earliest we can do at this time. We look forward to seeing you in August.” She calls the next number, and Evangeline leads me outside.

I’m in a daze, looking up at the squat building in the summer heat, not sure how to process what exactly happened just there.

“I’m sorry that didn’t go the way you wanted it to,” Evangeline says, looking pretty defeated herself. “This will give you some time to make sure this is what you really want.”

“It’s not only what I want,” I say. “It’s what everyone wants.”

I hide the folder under my mattress like it’s porn or something, and I go outside to grab an iced tea at Good Food’s. I’m about to pay Mohad when I catch Brendan in the pastries aisle stuffing coffee cakes into his pockets.

“Do you need a dollar?” I ask, and he jumps. “I can spot you a dollar if you promise not to hit me.”

He doesn’t flip me off or tell me to go fuck myself, so I walk over and hold out the one-dollar bill.

“I have money,” Brendan says. “I’m trying to save up.”

“Okay.”

“You going to snitch and get me banned?”

“Not if you let me buy that for you. Truce?”

Brendan smirks and hands me the coffee cakes. “Truce.”

I buy everything at the counter from Mohad. I feel something like hope as we leave the store together. There’s always an awkward silence after our fights. It happened in third grade after he dissed me in front of the entire class for sleeping in the same bed as my parents; it happened again on Christmas morning a few years ago, when he stole a controller my mom had gotten me out from under my tree and claimed his father had gotten him the same one. And even though Brendan was the one who attacked Thomas, I’m guilty for not choosing his side.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“My bad too.” Brendan tears open the coffee cake and asks, “You want to play manhunt? I was thinking about getting a game going.”

We go to the first court where everyone is gathered around the Skelzies board. They’re talking about how to get a girl wet with only their fingers and how you don’t need a condom if you’re hitting it from the back. I don’t try to fake a laugh or chime in. I wouldn’t do that, anyway, and this way it’s natural: I can look and feel the same, like I’m still one of them. Brendan nods, as if to say I’m cool again, and all is good.

“Fuck Skelzies. Manhunt time. Aaron already volunteered to be hunter.”

“Asshole,” I mutter as everyone runs off into different directions.

I check underneath cars for Skinny-Dave, but he must actually be sober because he wasn’t dumb enough to hide there today. I do a quick sweep for where Me-Crazy might be hiding down here. No luck and I’m cool with maybe never solving that mystery because spending more time with that insane bastard isn’t high up on my to-do list.

I get back to the courtyard and spot Fat-Dave up on the roof and he moons me. I flip him off. I see Nolan and Deon and chase them as they run out of the gates. They split up right when I see Thomas walking toward me, and for a second I think about catching him until I remember he’s not part of the game.

He’s actually here.

Thomas quickly says, “I know things are weird even though we didn’t want them to be.” He looks me straight in the eyes, and I try and catch my breath. I don’t know whether to float or sink yet. “But you’re my best friend and I miss having you around. I know you don’t actually have a thing for me. Drinking confuses people like that, so we’ll call the whole thing taboo and not talk about it for the next ten years or so. Let’s hang and talk about Sun Warden while I apply to a job to—”

“Why can’t I like you?”

“Because it wouldn’t work out in the long run,” Thomas says.

“Because I don’t fit into your little hierarchy of needs?”

“Because I’m straight. Stretch.” His voice has an edge now. “I thought we wanted to forget it ever happened.”

“Yeah, well. Forgetting isn’t as easy as you’re making it sound.” My throat tightens. “I can’t sit around you and act like nothing happened, or to wait around for you to figure things out.”

“There’s nothing to figure out,” Thomas says. “I know I can be really confused about what I should be doing with my life and how I feel like I don’t belong, but I have no doubts about what gets my heart going and my dick hard. That’s not meant to be a blow to you, Stretch, but it’s just the way I’m wired.”