I deserved that too.
I couldn’t say why I started that rumor in high school exactly. The guys had been pressuring me, asking me if I was a virgin, which I was, but apparently, it was lame, and the star quarterback couldn’t be lame. I knew the difference between right and wrong, but not being what everyone viewed me as scared me too.
And the only person, the only woman that entered my mind was Luna, so I threw her under the bus, consequences to her life be damned, and I was treated like a god while everyone else looked down on her.
Everyone besides her true friends.
It had been ten years since the rumor and six years since I had seen her. I only knew what was going on with her life because of the gossip mill in Camden. Luna had gone to school in Boston, graduated with high honors in business and design, and stayed there.
She had no intention of coming home.
And I had every intention to right my wrongs with her.
Luna Nightingale had been the love of my love, my best friend, and I thought that no matter what life threw at us, we would get through it; only she got tired of going through it with me because I had taken advantage of us.
There had never officially been an us, but there was supposed to be. That was the plan. I knew it. Everyone else knew it.
And still, somehow, I still couldn’t find her to tell her I was sorry. No one would give me information on her. I tried googling her, but she had no social media, and she wasn’t in the phone book.
I never got over her.
She would always and forever be my moon, the woman I carried in my heart throughout the night, and it was time I got my girl back.
I didn’t care what I had to do. I had to prove myself, to her, to her parents, and her friends, if I ever wanted to be in her life again. Enough time had gone by without her, and I refused to live the rest of my life in regret.
I had come to learn that regret was an emotion that was well-deserved for wrongdoings, and in order to move on, the issue needed to be fixed.
The issue was me, and while I wasn’t ready to be the man, the friend, or the lover that Luna needed all those years ago, I was now. I didn’t deserve a second chance with her, but I was going to fight for it.
“Lost in thought there, brother?” my younger brother Ezra asked me, his voice bringing me out of my oddly long stupor as I stared over the cliffs at the ocean. We were at our favorite camping spot, and since it wasn’t a longer summer, a slight crisp hung in the air. Autumn nights were the best for campfires.
Ezra was the youngest out of the hoard of us and a twin to Ezekiel. They were only two minutes apart and damn it if Ezekiel didn’t remind Ezra of it every day.
“Yeah, just have a lot on my mind,” I said, never taking my eyes off the ocean. The water was smooth, like glass, without a single ripple or waves to destroy its fragile appearance. My legs swung off the tailgate of the truck, and I couldn’t help but still think of Luna. She was on my mind more and more lately, and the last time I saw her, it had been at this very spot.
The Moore’s owned this spot considering it was our land, and this spot had been where the end of the year graduation party was for all the seniors at Camden High. She showed up, even when no one liked her because of me, and she had her cronies on either side of her, ready to fight. My lips tilted in a smirk, watching them push people out of the way to get the boulder they always sat on.
I couldn’t tear my eyes off her that night, and she never looked at me once. Luna was beautiful, in a loose summer dress that was navy blue, which made her skin look lighter than usual, creamier. And her hair, which had usually been tangled in a knot on the top of her head, had been down, her curls long and defined.
I was a coward then. I should have apologized to her then.
“Hello? Are you listening to me?” Ezra waved his hand in front of my eyes, and the truck dipped when he hopped up and took a seat next to me.
“What? No, what did you say?” I ripped my eyes away from the glistening water and stared at Ezra, genuinely oblivious to anything he had said. It was crazy how much he and Ezekiel looked alike. No one could tell them apart except us brothers and mom and dad, but it wasn’t hard to figure out. Ezra was outgoing, a people person, and Ezekiel was more like Evan, reserved and a little grouchy.
“I said we need to get the fire built soon and the tents set up. We are losing light. Man, you’re really out of it today. Want to talk about it?”
I did want to talk about it, to anyone, but no one would ever talk to me about Luna.
“No, it’s alright,” I said, wishing time would turn back so I wouldn’t lose the one good thing in my life.
Time wasn’t that kind though, and neither was the universe. Life made sure there was no truly easy way out, and if someone needed to fix something in their life, it couldn’t be as simple as a wish or a snap of a finger. It had to be with hard work, tears, and maybe a little blood if shit went south.
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Ezra said, just as the gravel crunched from the road, telling us that Ethan, Evan, and Ezekiel were just about to pull in.
I slapped my brother on the shoulder and gave him a small smile, one that was made with a little disbelief and doubt because I knew if I brought up Luna, he’d keep his lips shut. I didn’t know why she had become off-limits to talk about between us, but no one ever muttered a word about her, and it bothered me because while I was an ass, they could have kept in touch with her, they had been friends. We had abandoned her.
“I know, Ezra. You’re good like that. Help me set up?”