Devious Intentions (Carson Cove Scandals 3)

“Hop on.” Damien gave the merry-go-round a nudge.

“Are you going to spin me off of it?” I gave him a side-eyed glance and laughed.

“No, you can trust me.” He shook his head.

“Okay.” I smiled and sat down on the merry-go-round.

Damien gave the merry-go-round a spin, and it was almost like time spun with it. I remembered the days when life seemed so incredibly simple. I made a full circle and time caught up with me because I wasn’t a little girl being spun by some kid on the playground. I was a woman on the first real date I had ever been on—with a guy that pulled things out of me that I never thought I would feel. Every rotation I made, he gave it another spin—but he wasn’t using the bar to spin—he was putting his hand on mine each time. I felt a surge of attraction that started to make the butterflies more intense—as his touch sent fire rushing through my body. After a couple of harder spins, he hopped on beside me.

“Oh man, this is going to make me dizzy.” He grabbed the bar.

“That’s what makes it fun.” I leaned against him and smiled.

I looked up at the sky—it was a beautiful sight. I never took much time to appreciate it—life was always too busy to simply take a few seconds and enjoy the natural grandeur. It was a warm evening, but the breeze coming in from Carson Bay kept the air cool, especially at night. That breeze felt good on my face. Damien slid his hand along the bar until it was interlocked with mine. We held hands as the merry-go-round spun until it finally started to run out of momentum. Damien gave it a couple of spins with his feet, but that wasn’t enough to really get it going again. I sat there for a second or two before I leaned forward.

“Ready for the fun part?” I tugged on his hand.

“I thought this was the fun part.” He raised his eyebrows.

“No…” I grinned as I put my feet on the ground.

I tried to stand, and Damien held onto my hand. The dizziness wasn’t quite as pleasant as I remembered it being when I was a little girl. The fact that Damien tried to stand up with me didn’t help matters. Luckily, he hadn’t spun around as many times as I had, so he was able to grab the bar pretty quickly when I started to do the adult version of we-all-fall-down in the most expensive dress I owned. He was certainly strong, I had to give him that—not that I doubted it when I saw his muscles pressed against the fabric of his shirt.

“Should we sit down again?” He chuckled and leaned against one of the bars on the merry-go-round.

“Yep!” I nodded and laughed.

I tried to sit down, but I sort of went sideways and stumbled into him instead. He put his other hand above my hip for support, and our eyes met. The spinning world came to a grinding halt. It felt like a dream. I could have sworn that everything around us went silent except for the sound of my heart beating in my ears. Damien pulled me close and crushed my lips beneath his. I always wondered what my first real kiss would be like. Up until now, I’ve had a peck or two—nothing to brag about. But I learned in that moment that it was soul-crushing—that it made my whole body burn like I was standing in a fire—that it made me forget how to breathe even after his lips broke the seal.

My knees were weak, and not from trying to walk after getting off the merry-go-round. Damien sat down and pulled me towards him as he did. Our lips met for the second time, and his tongue danced with mine. The hand that was above my hip moved lower and squeezed my ass through my dress. Every emotion erupted inside me at the same time. Confusion—fear—desire—anticipation. That was a new one.

My panties started to get wet as the fire I was standing in seemed to burn with more intensity. I wanted him, but I was scared. I had never done that with anyone before. If he would have pushed for more, I don’t know if I would have been able to resist his advances because my first taste of true lust was fierce—but he was the one who finally pulled away. Our lips parted, and we both gasped for a moment as we stared into each other eyes.

“We probably should head back to the restaurant…” Damien exhaled sharply. “It’s getting late.”

“Yeah.” I nodded and sighed.

If this is a dream, I’m not sure I want to wake up…

Chapter Six

Damien

I didn’t want to pull back from Leigh when our lips parted, and I certainly didn’t want to end the date, but there was something inside of me that hesitated. It wasn’t because I was thinking about Caroline—it was the absence of those thoughts. I didn’t know how to process that. I lived and breathed by those memories—that lingering turmoil—and to be without it felt foreign like a piece of my soul had been ripped out and discarded. I needed time to work through the thoughts in my head. It was the right thing to do, even if I tasted Leigh’s desire on her lips—felt it in her kiss—and wanted what had come to life between us.

We walked back to the restaurant and shared one more kiss next to her car before she drove out of sight. I headed in the opposite direction with Caroline and Leigh tangled together in my thoughts. One was a memory that I swore I would cherish—the other was in the present—but I had survived in the past so long that it was hard to think about the future. For some reason, I felt like I needed the guilt. Every time I tried to go out with someone, it was easy to give in to that feeling. The Pembroke Hotel stopped bringing balance to the chaos when things spun out of control, and it wasn’t the only part of Caroline trying to push me forward into the unknown.

Maybe it really is time to accept the fact that there is life beyond what could have been—what should have been—what fate’s cruelty took from me.

I really did like Leigh. She was gorgeous—she made me smile—hell, she made me laugh. It had been a long time since I laughed without faking my reaction when the situation called for it. I thought the date was going to off the rails quick when she started asking questions about my family, but it didn’t bother me to talk about it with her. I tasted the same bitterness at first, but even that settled fairly quickly. She was special—there was no doubt about it—I just didn’t feel worthy of her. There was a timidness to her kiss, either from not knowing me well or just plain innocence. I wasn’t sure which yet, but the desire raging in her aquamarine eyes let me know it was still a welcomed kiss. In the restaurant, they looked blue—in the moonlight, they were practically green. She was young, vibrant, and simply stunning—I felt old, worn-out, and jaded.

Yet with her, I felt alive for the first time in years…

I didn’t stay up very long when I got home. There was chaos in my head, but it wasn’t as intense as normal. I felt like I could sleep—like I was coasting on the buzz of the kiss I shared with Leigh, and it could carry me through the darkness of the night that was normally so difficult to endure. It was too bad my therapist couldn’t put that in a pill and write a prescription for it—that was all she ever wanted to do, but nothing that I ever tried to take could cure the despair—most of the time, the chemicals just made things worse. I slept for about two hours before my phone woke me up. It was on vibrate, so it took me a minute to process what I was hearing, but I reached over to see two missed calls from Jenny. Before I could hit the button to call her back, a text message flashed on my screen.

Jenny: Let me know when you wake up.

Damien: You woke me up. Is everything okay?