“No.” I shook my head quickly. “I wouldn’t have even considered approaching him.”
“We trust you to do what you think is best. I’ve never heard anyone say anything bad about Irwin, but if Angelina doesn’t know much about him, that’s kind of a scary thought.” Erik shrugged and shook his head.
“Yeah, that woman seems to know everything.” Olsen exhaled sharply.
I held back with Irwin because there was still some uncertainty. I saw desire in his eyes and I certainly felt a connection, but he was still a mystery. He didn’t have the courage to make a move. That definitely set him apart from Erik, Olsen and Joaquin. They would run through a brick wall to get what they wanted. If he was still hesitant, I didn’t want to push things. I had taken it as far as I could without leaping across the table when we had dinner. The next move was on him. I was as honest as I could be with him without disclosing everything. An open relationship was the best way to describe what I had with the others, even if the openness didn’t extend past Irwin. If he could get past that and still chase his desires, we might be on our way to making it work.
Irwin ignored me at the office the next day when I looked his way, but I caught him staring a few times when he thought I couldn’t see him. Something was definitely stirring. He normally didn’t look up from his computer when he was in the office. He even worked straight through a fire drill once and said he didn’t hear the alarm. As it was most nights, we were the last two people on our floor. I heard Irwin get up from his desk, and I looked around the edge of my door frame to see if he was heading towards the vending machine. I was pleasantly surprised, and a little nervous, when he started walking towards my office.
“I’m starving. How would you like to grab some dinner?” He leaned against my door and smiled.
“I guess a good meal changed your perspective on vending machine dinners?” I leaned back in my chair and chuckled.
“Something like that.” He nodded and motioned towards the elevators. “Can pull yourself away for a quick meal?”
“I’m about done here anyway.” I reached over and turned off my computer.
We left the office, and as we walked towards the restaurant we ate at the previous night, Irwin reached over and took my hand. He didn’t ask or convey any real emotion, he just did it like it was the most natural thing in the world. That was exactly what it felt like—natural. We held hands for the entire walk and he requested the same booth we had the night before. The conversation was a lot more relaxed and he didn’t seem to be nervous. I was impressed by how easily he opened up, telling me things about his life that he avoided the night before. Af
ter a couple of beers, he seemed to get a little solemn, and I worried that he was starting to have doubts again. It seemed like things were going really good up until that point, and I felt my heart sinking into my stomach when I saw his whole demeanor change.
“I’m not a very good man.” He sighed and reached for his beer.
“What? Where did that come from?” I blinked in surprise.
“I’ve done things that would probably make your skin crawl.” He guzzled until his mouth was full and swallowed.
Uh oh—I hope he’s not about to tell me he really is a serial killer.
“You can talk to me about it.” I reached out and put my hand on his in a reassuring manner. “You’ll get no judgment from me.”
It was like the floodgates opened. Irwin told me about not fitting in, his loneliness, finding comfort with prostitutes, and then he told me about his ex-wife. I had to pick up my jaw when he talked about his insecurities and how Anastasia used them as a weapon in their marriage. I finally saw through the veil Irwin put up to hide from the world. He was a broken man. Perhaps he never truly found himself, but he stopped looking after his divorce. He found solace in his work and used it as an emotional outlet. It was all he had left. It was probably what kept him from losing the last bit of humanity he had bottled up inside his shattered soul.
“So, there you have it. That’s the kind of man that is sitting here with you again after you told me you’re already in a relationship—even if it is an open one.” He sighed and reached for his beer again. “Do the smart thing and run away now. It’ll be easier for both of us.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I squeezed his hand and shook my head. “I’m going to tell you something now, something that will probably make you want to run.”
It was time for the truth. Irwin had been open with me, and I had to return the favor. It was the only way for us to move forward. I told him Harmony’s story first, which left him with a blank stare of disbelief. After that, I admitted that I was also on a similar journey, and that he was one of four men Angelina believed I was meant to be with. He tensed up when he heard that, immediately pulling his hand away. Shock wouldn’t even begin to explain the look on his face. I could tell he was trying to process what I told him, and I understood that feeling, because I had felt it too. He stared for what felt like an eternity before his face finally reflect a semblance of emotion and he lifted his head to look at me.
“That… actually makes sense.” He exhaled sharply and nodded. “I’ve never been able to open up with anyone before. Just talking to you is like a breath of fresh air.”
“We all travel twisted roads as we move towards our destination. The experiences you’ve had are lessons, but they don’t have to define who you are.” I reached out and put my hand on his again. “Real passion can come from a deeper place, one that you’ve never tapped into before.”
“Maybe.” Irwin leaned back and a faint smile formed on his lips.
We paid for dinner and started walking back to the office. He took my hand again and we just enjoyed the moment. I wasn’t sure where things were headed between us, but it felt good to talk things out. He still didn’t know who I was involved with, but he knew enough to fully understand the dynamic. If he wanted to go further down the path that was in front of us, it was something he would have to accept. My heart would never belong to just one man, but there was a spot in it for Irwin if he was brave enough to take it. He was the final piece that would fill the emptiness, and we could all take hold of whatever future was in front of us.
“Fuck it. If I keep thinking about it, I’m just going to talk myself out of it again.” Irwin grabbed my arm and pulled me close.
Irwin’s lips landed on mine with undeniable passion. I didn’t just see fireworks in my head, I felt them going off inside my soul. My heart surged with so much emotion it almost brought me to tears. I fumbled with my purse until I felt my keys and hit the button to unlock my car and he grabbed the door. Our lips stayed connected as I slithered into the backseat and he was already tearing at my dress before the door slammed shut. The fire that burned beneath us couldn’t wait. It was a deep yearning that had to be satisfied in that moment, and I didn’t care where we chased those desires, I just wanted to feel every bit of his passion slamming into mine.
“I’ve never had sex in a car before.” I pulled back from his lips and gasped.
“It’s not as pleasant as it sounds, but we’ll make it work.” He slid his hand underneath my dress and started tugging my panties down my hips.
I quickly began to question how anyone ever managed to have sex in such a cramped space. I tried to move, to get more comfortable and my foot hit the window. When I tried to stretch out in the opposite direction, my shoulder got jammed against the seatbelt. Irwin hit his head on the ceiling as he pulled off his shirt and then bumped his knee on the console when he tried to unbuckle his belt. If I hadn’t been so turned on, I might have just tried to ask for an intermission so we could find a more comfortable spot, but I needed him. The moment was real, and that was what truly mattered.
“Fuck…” Irwin exhaled sharply and held up a condom wrapper. “I’ve had this in a wallet for way too long. I think it dried out.”