Ainsley: Yep.
Sarah: You slut! Are you serious!? Details!
I barely figure out what I’m going to type before my phone rings, and I see Sarah’s number on the screen. I take her call. We pick up right where we left off, like nothing happened between us. Maybe that’s what friends do. Or maybe I just need someone—anyone—to talk to.
I don’t tell her much about Lawson or our time together. I confirm what she’s already figured out. In her eyes, I lost my virginity to a complete stranger. An asshole. The bastard who fired her father. I get it. It does seem like that to someone who didn’t experience it like I did.
We talk for a while. I forgive her for being a total bitch. She owns it with pride, even after apologizing profusely. I don’t think I’ll trust her like I once did, but she’s still my friend, if that means anything at this point. She even offers to let me stay with her until I figure things out, but I decline. I need to figure things out on my own. That’s ultimately what my mom is trying to make me do, even if I don’t like it.
I return to Facebook after talking with Sarah. I scroll through all the photos. I know I belong in school, getting an education so that I don’t have to wait tables the rest of my life. I had a chance, but no direction. I’m not even sure what I want to be when I grow up. Correction, I’m already grown up, and I still don’t know what I want to be. That’s another point my mom is trying to make.
I’ve never appreciated the opportunities that were right in front of me. I let my hormones run wild and stayed trapped in my fantasies instead of doing what I should’ve been doing all along. Meeting Lawson was a godsend, but my mother is the one who has ultimately snapped me back to reality. I know what I have to do now.
If she’ll even talk to me.
I wake up early. I didn’t get enough sleep. What I got was mostly due to exhaustion from being on my feet all day rather than the kind of rest I needed. I can hear my mother in the kitchen. It isn't the best time to talk to her, but I have to. I wake myself up with a splash of water on my face rather than caffeine like I truly need, but I’ll get to that later.
“Good morning, Mom.” I walk into the kitchen and sit at the table.
“Good morning.” She has a hint of hesitation in her voice. I can’t tell if she’s surprised I spoke to her or still not ready to talk to me.
“I know you don’t have long, so I’ll try to make this quick.” I exhale sharply. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Mom. I know I haven’t made it easy on you…”
“Ainsley, if you’re planning to feed me another one of your apologies so that you can keep doing what you always do, spare me.” She shakes her head. “I’ve heard them all. Nothing ever changes.”
“It’s going to this time.” I press on, even though I can see the doubt written on her face. “I’m not asking you to let me live here. I just want to tell you what I plan to do. I’m going to pick up every shift I can at work right now and find my own place as soon as possible. Somewhere with roommates to save money and put it aside until the spring so I can go back to school.”
“Okay…” My mom tilts her head slightly, as if she’s hesitant to believe me, but she’s listening.
“I’m not going to half-ass it like before. I’ll take a few classes when I can, depending on what I can afford, and I’ll keep working. I’ll have to.” I nod.
; My mom narrows her eyes at me. I can tell she’s trying to read my expression. Trying to tell if I’m serious or just feeding her a line. It’s the truth. Between the fight with her, talking with Lawson, and looking at all of those pictures of the people I went to high school with, I finally got the message that has been right in front of me the whole time.
“You’re serious about this?” She reaches for her coffee and takes a sip. “You’re really planning to go back to school?”
“I am. You gave me the wake-up call I needed. It shouldn’t have taken that, but it did. I’m hardheaded sometimes. You know that…” I sigh, but I can’t help but smile.
My mom is quiet for a couple of minutes. I feel better about everything, even if my life is going to be a lot more difficult now. I am truly blessed with a mom who cares about me and has done everything I could ask for, but I didn’t appreciate it. I’ve stayed trapped in a fantasy world, letting my hormones go crazy, all because of my daddy issues. I still have them, but I don’t think they’ll be as distracting as they used to be if I’m exploring them with Lawson.
“Okay, Ainsley.” My mom puts her coffee down. “I want you to fill out an application for school after work today. If you do that, and show me you’re serious about it, and you don’t have to move out.”
“Seriously?” My eyes get wide.
“Yes. It’s hard for me to believe you’re ready to turn over a new leaf, but I love you. All I’ve ever wanted was the best for you.” She nods. “If you’re willing to show me that you mean what you say, and don’t pull any more of these stupid stunts like getting arrested or staying out all night without telling me that you won’t be home, I’m willing to give you another chance.”
“Thank you.” My lips tremble, and all I want to do is hug her.
She stands as soon as I do, and we hug. I apologize a few more times and thank her for her generosity. It’s genuine this time. True appreciation. I mean every word. I wish I had meant it every time I fed her empty promises and half-hearted apologies, but I can’t undo the past. All I can do is move forward and prove that she’s gotten through to me. I’ve done more growing up in the last few days than I have in years, and she’s a huge part of that.
She’s not the only one. The man I called Daddy had a hand in it as well.
I already know how to show him how appreciative I am…
Chapter Twenty
Lawson