I missed my son. He was just starting school and I wasn’t there to see him off in the morning. I would miss him even more if Amy took him out of the state and started over somewhere else. The weekends we had together were magical and I hoped that when he got older, we could work out a better arrangement and split custody. I tried for that when we got divorced, but my head was in a terrible place then. I didn’t blame the judge for keeping him with his mother, but I still wanted to be in his life.
“Am I still coming to your house this weekend?” Benjamin picked up his truck. “If so, I want to bring my new toy.”
“Let me talk to your mother about that.” I reached over and brushed a curl off of his brow.
“Okay.” His smile got wide and he ran off to dig in his toy box.
I was going to have to eat a whole plate of crow. She had seen me at my worst after the divorce when I showed up on her doorstep with a bottle in one hand and liquor on my breath. It was why she pushed so hard for full custody. The situation with the email had been a nightmare without the threat of losing Benjamin. It was already going to cost me a lot—I just hoped I could avoid having it cost me my son.
“Hey.” I took a seat at the kitchen table.
“Want some coffee? It’s over there.” She motioned towards the pot that was sitting on the burner.
“No, thank you, though.” I shook my head back and forth.
“So, you said on the phone that you fixed the email problem?” She tilted her head and eyed me suspiciously.
“I did.” I nodded quickly. “The damage is obviously done, but at least everyone will know it was an total lie.”
“Was it though? You are dating the girl that wrote it.” She tapped her spoon on the edge of her coffee cup and picked it up.
“It’s complicated. She wrote the story a long time ago and yeah—she was my student when she wrote it. There was never anything between us. It was just a fantasy she came up with on her own.” I sighed and shook my head.
“A fantasy that came true for her, I take it?” She raised her eyebrows and sipped her coffee.
“Something like that, yeah.” I nodded and sighed again. “I know this will be difficult for you to understand.”
“No, it isn’t difficult at all.” She shook her head back and forth as she put her coffee cup down. “This is exactly why I divorced you.”
“I never cheated on you!” My eyes got wide and I felt anger twisting inside me.
“You never had to.” She smacked her lips and exhaled sharply. “I was married to the hottest man, in th
ose soccer mom’s narrow view of the world. I got it. I wasn’t as cute as I used to be, and I put on weight after the baby was born.”
“Amy, that never mattered to me.” I reached out and tried to take her hand, but she jerked it away.
“It would have. There would have come a time when you looked at me as the girl that locked you down when you could have had anyone you wanted. Things were never perfect. We were high school sweethearts that got married in college. We had no idea how to run a household or raise a kid together.” She lifted her coffee cup again.
“I still loved you. I would have done anything to keep our family together.” I leaned back in my chair.
“You couldn’t.” She shook her head back and forth after taking a drink of her coffee. “I fell in love with a wild and crazy football player that didn’t give a shit about the world because it belonged to him. I wasn’t ready for the respectable man you became. I just wasn’t ready for a grown-up relationship.”
“I’m not sure I’m that respectable.” I blinked a couple of times in surprise.
“When I heard about the email, I actually hoped it was true. I hoped that somewhere inside of you that guy had finally fought his way out and decided to take what he wanted, even if what he wanted was a cute cheerleader that was everything I used to be.” She sighed and shrugged. “I know I’m the one that destroyed our family. I’m not going to put that on you.”
“You’ll always have a place in my heart. You’ll always be the mother of my child.” I reached for her hand again and she didn’t jerk away. “I would have honored my vows and stayed loyal until the day I died.”
“I know.” She took the hand I wasn’t holding and wiped away a tear. “That was what scared me.”
“I respect your concerns about Benjamin. I know it wouldn’t be fair to have him grow up and go to Glendale High School one day where eventually someone would show him that email. I’m not staying, either. All I ask is that we try to coordinate where we go and at least stay close enough that I can see him on the weekends.” I squeezed her hand. “Please, Amy. Please give me that at least.”
“Okay.” She nodded and blinked away another tear. “That’s a fair request.”
“Thank you.” I smiled and let go of her hand. “I’m going to go spend some more time with him—at least until you kick me out.”
“Take as long as you want.” She smiled and turned away from me.