“It scares me a lot…” I felt the tears welling up in my eyes again. “I don’t think it would be very fair to you if I did what she has suggested.”
“Don’t worry about what I want. Focus on yourself. That’s what I had to do to see the path that I was meant to take. Bakersfield was always my destination because the ghosts from my past haunted me. It wasn’t just you I was running from all those years ago.” Nate squeezed my hand. “Dry your eyes and walk into the abyss. I’ll be waiting on the other side with my arms wide open when you’re ready.”
Nate gave me a hug and then he was gone. I waited until I saw his motorcycle drive away. He must have known the conversation with Angelina wouldn’t go well. He had to know she would reveal something that shook me to the core. I started to understand more about the unique relationship he had with her. She didn’t just bring him back to Bakersfield. She guided him there for a specific purpose. It wasn’t just about me or our perfect ending. Perhaps we would get it when the smoke cleared, but before that happened, I had to tear apart the shell that hid my dark desires from the world. I got out of my car and slowly walked back to Angelina’s suite.
“What’s his name?” I stared at Angelina when she opened the door. “The man behind the screen.”
“His name is Devlin, and he’s very eager to meet you.” She smiled and pulled the door open.
8
Devlin
Four years ago
“I can’t do this.” The woman on her knees in front of me shook her head back and forth. “This isn’t what I wanted—I’m sorry.”
“You wanted to be punished.” I draped the leather whip across her shoulder and let it linger there for a moment. “You said you needed it.”
“I thought I did.” She stood and pulled at the cuffs. “Please let me go—green!”
“Of course.” I recognized her safeword and immediately removed the leather cuffs from her wrists. “I’m sorry this wasn’t what you were looking for.”
“I’m sorry I wasted your time.” She grabbed her dress and started putting it back on.
I poured some Scotch into a glass and lit a cigarette once she was gone. She wasn’t the first so-called submissive to get cold feet when she walked into my playroom. It seemed to be getting more frequent as the culture that was once talked about in whispers started making headline news. Every bored housewife and lonely woman that bought a naughty book suddenly found themselves fantasizing about a strong dominant man. They let the fantasy bring them to my door, but once they realized it was more than just a sexual thrill they could masturbate to, they wanted out. I understood, but it didn’t make the ordeal any less frustrating for me. The older Doms I talked to online told stories about a simpler time when the only submissive women that sought them out understood what they wanted ahead of time.
It’s just my luck that I came to terms with my dominant side around the time that Fifty Shades became popular. I’m surrounded by a generation of women too weak to submit.
My twenties were wasted chasing a concept I didn’t quite understand. I hadn’t yet come to terms with my nature. I liked rough sex. I thought that was what gave me my thrill. I fou
nd myself attracted to damaged girls with lots of baggage because they were the ones that liked to be treated like a piece of meat in the bedroom. I never pursued any sort of long term relationship because I didn’t want to repair them. They were beautiful the way they were.
It wasn’t until I met a woman into pain on a whole different level that I fully embraced the inner Dom begging to be unleashed. She wasn’t looking for anything real. I became her escape valve when she needed a release and over the course of our time together, I learned a lot about myself as well. She pushed for pain and torment that went further than what I enjoyed. It was the first time I saw my own limitations and began to understand what I truly craved.
Two years ago
MasterDom4u: Hello pet, it is good to see you again.
SubmissiveCindy21: Hello Master. I’m glad you’re online.
MasterDom4u: Why? Is something troubling you?
SubmissiveCindy21: Yes sir.
MasterDom4u: Tell me what it is, Cindy. You know you can be honest with me. In fact, I demand it.
I doubted her name was really Cindy. Most of the submissive girls I met online used fake names. Whatever her name was, she seemed to be exactly what I was looking for in a submissive. She was pure, innocent, and still trying to figure out her place in the world. She didn’t want to be submissive because she read about it in a book. It was something innate that she didn’t entirely understand. We had spent nearly a year talking about it, and over that time, I had grown fond of her. She never asked for fidelity, nor did she expect it, but she was the only person I talked to online. I hoped that she would one day consider meeting me in real life just so we could explore her hidden fantasies together.
MasterDom4u: Answer me. You know I don’t like to be kept waiting.
SubmissiveCindy21: I’m sorry, sir. I just had a rough day and I needed someone to talk to.
MasterDom4u: What made it so bad?
SubmissiveCindy21: I had a date. It didn’t go well.
MasterDom4u: A date? I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone.