Heat & Desire (Surrender to Them 4)

Wendy and I stayed focused on the house the next day. She seemed distant and I understood why. I had rejected her. She carried those feelings for years and when she finally got the courage to confess her attraction, I shut her down. I had felt that kind of rejection before when my marriage spiraled towards divorce. It wasn’t something that could easily be forgotten, even if everything the world was aligned against what she wanted. By the time we got the floors sanded and applied the first coat of finish, she wasn’t even really talking to me. She just responded with grunts and nods of her head. The rejection didn’t just create a divide—it was a crevice widening as the hours went by. I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I shut down the conversation the day before, but I had to bring it up again before I left.

&n

bsp; “We’re going to have to talk about this, aren’t we?” I leaned against the counter in the kitchen as she fixed two glasses of water.

“Talk about what?” She sat the glass down in front of me. “You said all there was to say yesterday.”

“I didn’t want it to make things awkward between us. I’m sorry.” I picked up the water and took a drink.

“You didn’t make things awkward. I always knew it was never going to work. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Wendy sipped her water and shook her head. “That’s my fault.”

“You’ve held onto this for all these years…” I exhaled sharply.

“You make it sound like I’m still some obsessed teenager.” She sat her water down with a hard thud. “I dated other people. I didn’t just go to college and sit around thinking about my best friend’s dad all the time. It’s different now—this isn’t just some teenage crush. We’re very different people.”

“I know.” I nodded and put down my glass. “But I also know how complicated relationships can be. They’re hard enough without worrying about all the uncertainties.”

“You made it clear yesterday that you’re not interested.” She shrugged and walked around the counter. “I guess I’ll just have to go out with Micah.”

“You’re going to give him a chance?” I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

“I thought about that a lot last night after you left. I was prepared to shut him down the next time he stopped by the bakery, but maybe I need to rethink that.” She walked towards the door and paused to look back. “Maybe I need to rethink a lot of things.”

Wendy’s words shouldn’t have bothered me, but for some reason, they did. I wanted her to be happy, and I wasn’t sure she was going to get that with Micah if she accepted his offer for a date out of spite. That was all I really heard in her tone. She was only going to go out with him because I turned her down. That wasn’t going to be the foundation of a relationship. If Micah was truly trying to turn over a new leaf and pursue a real relationship with someone, he didn’t need to be used as a pawn. That would just send him back down the same spiral he was trying to crawl up from. I was torn. I didn’t want either of them to get hurt, and I felt like I was going to end up in the middle of it whether I wanted to or not.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Wendy looked up at me from the dining room table when I walked out of the kitchen.

“I should probably just get going.” I shook my head back and forth.

“Okay.” She nodded and picked up her cell phone.

“The first coat needs to sit for at least two days, but I can stop by after work and apply the next one.” I walked over and picked up my jacket.

“I think I can handle it from here. You’ve done enough.” She continued scrolling through her phone without looking up.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.” I slid my jacket on and turned back towards her.

“No, it’s okay.” She waved me off.

“Let me know if you want help with anything else…” My words trailed off, because I could tell she wasn’t going to respond.

I guess I did more than upset her.

I continued to think about Wendy as I drove back to my house. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was a fucking idiot for turning her down. It was complicated as hell, but she was an incredible young woman. I certainly didn’t deserve someone like her, and I was pretty sure age would be an issue, even if she didn’t realize it yet. Our lives were in different places. One day, she would want children, and I wasn’t sure I could be a father again. I always wanted a big family when I was younger, but that dream had faded once my ex-wife said she didn’t want to have another baby. If I met someone earlier, I might have gotten remarried and been more open to it. It was just too bad the ship sailed while I was wasting my time chasing wild fantasies with Micah.

I promised myself I would never regret those days—that they were crucial to helping me get over my divorce. Now I’m not so sure.

Wendy might not have been someone I could actually be with due to the complications it would bring, but she made me reflect on things I hadn’t thought about in a while. I had dated a few people, and it might have been my own issues that kept me from pushing things to the next level. Did I push them away when they were on the cusp, just like I did with Wendy? I could have chased love instead of lust. I could have devoted my life to finding the right person. If I met someone like Wendy back then, things might have been very different. I could have missed that opportunity because I was so blinded by my own anger and hurt. I filled my life with excuses when I should have been focused on what truly mattered.

Too late for that now. I can’t change the past.

Wendy

The next day

“Welcome to—oh, it’s you.” I looked up to see Micah walking into Marigold Bakery.

“I’m here for my usual.” He flashed a grin as he sauntered towards the counter.