“Why does life have to be so fucking cruel.” Zach sighed and I let go of Andy so I could hug his twin brother.
“I had a lot of fun. I’ll never forget you guys, no matter what.” I looked up into Zach’s gorgeous ocean-blue eyes, which started to tear up. “Now who’s crying?”
“We have to go.” Andy blinked several times and picked up his carry-on bag.
They each gave me a goodbye kiss and then they headed towards security. I felt like a piece of my soul was going with them. I watched until they were out of sight and then picked up what was left of my heart so I could walk back to the SUV. It was a slow walk and my feet felt heavier than ever. Our moments together flashed in my head like some kind of cheesy montage, but each one of them was like a dagger into the fragments of my heart that I was wearing on my sleeve. I was foolish, but I just didn’t care. They meant more to me than I would ever be able to express in words. I wished I would have said more, but my chance was gone. It felt like an eternity until I got to the SUV, and once the door was closed, I broke down completely.
At least they were gone before they saw the worst of this. I’m going to cry like a fucking baby now.
My head slumped forward into the steering wheel and I just let it all go. I had fallen head over heels for two men that were simply fucking amazing. It wasn’t fair that fate dealt me the worst brand of cruelty dressed up in holiday cheer. I didn’t regret falling for them, and I wouldn’t have traded a single minute for anything else in the world. The pain was worth it because of what we shared along the way, but it still hurt. I fumbled with the keys and tried to start up the SUV. I just needed enough courage to get back to their house, pick up my car, and then bury my face in a pillow for a few days until my parents got back. Hopefully, the tears would be gone by that point and I could hide my agony behind a smile until I returned to school. I really didn’t have a choice. No amount of tears or heartache was going to bring them back to me. The only hope I had to heal was time, and it was all that I had in front of me—an eternity without them.
Why am I such a fool? I knew this was the eventual outcome from the beginning.
Andy
“You grabbed Mom’s gift right?” I looked over at Zach as we walked past security.
“Yeah.” He nodded and kept his eyes focused straight ahead.
“And the plane tickets?” I raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
“Yep.” He nodded again.
“We didn’t forget anything at all?” I sighed and continued walking.
“Are you just looking for a reason to go back?” He stopped and put down his carry-on bag.
“Maybe…” I stopped walking and sighed louder. “No, let’s go.”
I didn’t fall
in love—I claimed. I took what I wanted and when the sun came up, I threw them out before breakfast. Maybe that’s who I used to be—before I met Holly. It was all blurring together. I hardly remembered the guy I was before I felt her lips against mine for the very first time. She was so fucking incredible and redefined the man I was. I thought I liked being the emotionless tool that got laid every time I found a girl hot enough to get my dick hard. I just didn’t know that there was an alternative and after having a taste of it, I wasn’t just addicted—I was obsessed. I wasn’t brave enough to admit that to myself until I kissed her for the very last time and walked away. It was hitting me all at once, and I was struggling like some lovesick sap who just got his heart broken. That was a new emotion for me, and I didn’t like the feeling. I needed to find the emotionless void that I used to live in and embrace it because there was no way I could have the one thing I truly wanted.
“I think I’m just going to get drunk as fuck before we get on the plane.” I tossed my bag next to a bench near the terminal and looked around for the closest bar.
“That’s not going to help.” Zach shook his head back and forth. “It never does. Alcohol just makes it worse.”
“What kind of fucking idiots are we? We come to Georgia to play Santa Claus and end up both falling for the same girl?” I growled under my breath. “Fuck!”
“This whole trip has given me a new perspective. I feel like I finally understand Dad, what he does, why he does it, and how good the world can be to you if you open yourself up to it.” Zach dropped his bag and sat down.
“Yeah, it’s been a journey. That’s for fucking sure.” I sat down beside him.
“I think I might get a suit of my own next year—maybe visit a few places on Christmas Day. It doesn’t have to be an orphanage, I just want to do something good for people who need it.” Zach closed his eyes and grimaced. “Fuck, now I sound like Dad.”
“If you do—I might go with you, but I’m choosing the fucking costume. I’m not being your whimsical elf.” I chucked under my breath.
“It won’t be the same.” Zach sighed. “Not without her.”
“No.” I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees. “It won’t.”
I knew what I wanted to do, but it directly conflicted with everything I had planned for my life. I was supposed to graduate, go to law school, and have my name on a building one day. Why did all of that seem to matter less than it ever had before? Those were the dreams of a shallow guy who only cared about himself—a self-centered asshole that wanted notoriety and a bank account. It wasn’t like I planned to go to law school so I could help people with the degree that came at the end of my journey. I was just interested in a few more years of partying, hot girls in my bed, and I even tried to drag Zach along kicking and screaming. Maybe the pain of losing Holly was my penance for living my life like Ebenezer Scrooge—except he got a happy ending. He might the right decision before it was too late.
“Fuck it.” I grabbed my bag and started to stand.
“What are you doing?” Zach hopped up and stared at me.
“I’m not leaving without telling Holly how I feel.” I started walking away from the terminal.