I was exhausted and ready to fall asleep, but even with my eyes closed, sleep didn’t immediately come. My thoughts were spinning, and my heart was racing, my pulse was pounding. The adrenaline in my veins felt like it had become permanent. It was a lot easier for the two men beside me. They seemed to drift away to sleep within minutes. I stared at the ceiling and thought about everything that was going on around us—Robert Townsend, Billy’s betrayal—all of the things that I was able to push from my mind when euphoria owned my soul. Once the fear passed, the worry swept in like a breeze gently blowing away the peace that would be required for sleep. I thought about Gerard and what happened before—it was a moment similar to the one I was in. I believed we had just started something beautiful, but it was soured by the silence that I met on the other side of nirvana. I needed to let go of that—I thought I had. It was just suppressed by lust.
I need to sleep. My mind is screwing with me—all of the endorphins are mixing with adrenaline.
I finally found the solace of sleep. I recognized the haze of my dream, and I looked around to see the two of them, but they weren’t there. I was alone. I wandered through the haze being vaguely aware that I was in a dream, and it was filled with loneliness—loneliness I recognized from the days when I accepted the fact my phone wasn’t going to ring. I didn’t like that feeling. I started to run—as fast as I could. In some corner of my mind, that’s what I knew I had to do. I wasn’t running across distance, I was running across time. Time was what separated me from Gerard. Two years. They passed in an instant, and the loneliness got worse. I sank to my knees in the haze. I had learned to be lonely. I could endure it—but I didn’t have to. A hand reached out. It was Gerard. He pulled me from the haze and into his arms. Then Liam was there too, holding me tight along with Gerard. They begged me to trust them—and I wanted to. Were my thoughts permitting me to be happy?
I’ll do it. I’ll trust them both—because I have to—because I want to—because I can’t push against something when I want it as much as I want them.
13
Gerard
Later that day
“We certainly wore her out.” I looked over at Liam who was starting to sit up in the bed.
“Shit, she wore me out.” Liam blinked and focused his eyes on me. “Wait, did you not sleep—you’re dressed? What time is it?”
“I slept for a little while.” I nodded and started to stand. “I need to head out for a little bit.”
“Where are you going?” Liam tilted his head to the side.
“Nowhere important, just some stuff I need to take care of.” I walked towards the door.
“Okay. Want to wake up Rachel so you can at least tell her you’re leaving?” Liam looked down at the beautiful sleeping angel on the bed between us.
“No, let her sleep.” I shook my head back and forth.
I don’t know if I could look into her eyes and lie to her—not again—not after last time.
I was definitely going somewhere important, and it was somewhere hazardous. I was going to see Robert Townsend again. I was going to accept his offer, the one I got the last time I visited his club. I didn’t tell Liam the truth about my visit. I told him that Robert Townsend wouldn’t see me, and I was only able to speak with one of the guys who ran his club. That was a lie. I told him that the only option we had was to repay the debt on Billy’s behalf. That was a lie. I was an excellent liar—too good—and I felt terrible when the words came out of my mouth, but it was the only way. If Liam knew the truth, he would stop me—I should have stopped myself, but I just couldn’t. I did my best to try and find a way to raise the money my own way so that I didn’t have to do what I was about to do, but we were out of options and out of time. The part I left out when I first told Liam the truth was that Robert Townsend gave me a timetable, and when the clock struck midnight, he was coming—coming for the only thing I cared about. He was coming for Rachel. I wasn’t going to let anything pull us apart again.
A few days ago
“Excuse me; nobody comes into this club unless they’re invited.” The man standing at the door of Robert Townsend’s club took a step forward and put his hand underneath his jacket—obviously letting me know he had a gun.
“I need to talk to Mr. Townsend.” I held up my hands to show that I wasn’t trying to be aggressive in any way. “My friend owes him some money, and I need to try and work something out.”
“The way you friend works it out is by paying what he owes.” The man’s eyes narrowed.
“Lay off him, Stevie.” A voice from behind startled me, but I recognized it immediately. “He’s harmless.”
“I didn’t get your name before.” I turned to face the man who approached us outside of our apartment earlier.
“It’s Solomon.” He came to a stop a few feet from me. “I didn’t expect you to pay me a visit; I thought that pleasure would be mine—especially since the next one
wasn’t going to be friendly.”
“I’m not here to see you. I’m here to see Mr. Townsend.” I exhaled sharply. “Billy Lawson left town. There’s gotta be something we can do here—some way to work this out.”
“Let me talk to Mr. Townsend. Stay here.” Solomon walked up and clipped me with his shoulder on the way into the club.
I stared at the door of the club for several minutes before it opened, and Solomon motioned for me to follow him inside. The club was pretty dark, save for a few lights. I saw girls dancing, most of them topless, and guys sitting around watching. I had been inside a few strip clubs and plenty of bars to recognize that Robert Townsend’s club was different. It smelled like money—looked like it too. The guys watching the dancers were wearing expensive suits, some of them were smoking cigars that were definitely imported from somewhere sitting under an embargo. The liquor behind the bar would have been top shelf anywhere else—all of it. I didn’t even recognize the stuff they had on their top shelf, but it looked like something I would never be able to afford in my lifetime. Solomon led me down a hallway, and when he opened the door at the end, I saw the legend himself—Robert Townsend.
“Ah, Billy Lawson’s friend.” Robert Townsend smiled as I entered his office. “Why don’t you have a seat.”
“Thanks.” I walked over and took a seat across from him. “My name is Gerard, by the way.”
“I think I’ll just call you Billy Lawson’s friend for now.” He winked at me. “Maybe I’ll care what your name is when we’re done talking—if not, at least I’ll remember why we’re burying your body.”