“Don’t…” Hudson shook his head back and forth. “Don’t make this about her. I deal with it every fucking day. I get up, go to work, come home, and I don’t try to kill myself in the process!”
I’m too fucking drunk for this.
“You want a little harsh dose of reality, brother?” I walked up to him and pushed his shoulder. “She loved you—she wanted to stay here in Andalusia with the both of us.”
“What?” Hudson’s face twisted into one of confusion. “But you said…”
“I lied!” I was practically screaming as the words came out of my throat like a pent-up rage that had to be released. “I’m the one who pushed her away. I told her that she was nothing more than a cheap fuck when she just wanted to be loved.”
“You…” Hudson took a step back. “You son of a bitch. Why?”
“Because I loved her too.” I dropped my head and sighed. “And that scared me more than anything else in the world.”
“You fucking asshole.” Hudson’s words were flat—but they were as cold as ice.
“Hit me.” I reached out and pushed him. “Do your fucking worst, because that’s the kind of man I am. I’m the world’s punching bag—I just choose to punch myself so nobody else has to.”
“No.” Hudson started to shake, and his fists balled, but he didn’t swing. “You aren’t worth it.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying all along.” I walked into the kitchen and grabbed another bottle of liquor.
Hudson should have left me to die in that house. He should have never spoken to me again. It was several weeks before he returned, but he forgave me for my betrayal. In that forgiveness, I found a semblance of my humanity. My brother was a lot bigger man that I could ever hope to be. I don’t know what I would have done if the roles were reversed, but I don’t think I would have ever forgiven him. I would have probably swung—beat him until he was a pool of blood on the floor. That’s what I wanted him to do to me. That’s what I deserved.
He helped me get into the fire academy, become a firefighter, and in time, we were like brothers again. I harbored a lot of guilt. It was impossible not to feel that way. I told him he should try to find Eliza—to see if she felt the same way—but it had been two years since she left. I think he was afraid of finding out that she had moved on. The memories gave him something to cling to, even if he would never hold the woman he loved again. Two months of our lives that were supposed to be spent saying goodbye to high school and celebrating the start of our lives. We spent them falling in love when that was the last thing we should have been doing. Then I ruined that for both of us—and I drove her out of our lives forever.
10
Eliza
“Um, Eliza?” Melanie gently knocked on my door. “Are you awake?”
“Yeah.” I stood and walked over to let her in. “What’s up?”
“Preston Anderson is downstairs.” She raised her eyebrows and motioned towards the stairs. “He says he wants to talk to you.”
“What?” I blin
ked in surprise. “No, tell him that I don’t want to talk to him—at all.”
“Why?” I could see the bewilderment on her face. “I guess I should be asking why he’s here in the first place, but why does he want to talk to you?”
“Go ask him yourself.” I started to push the door closed. “But please get rid of him.”
“Okay…” Melanie shrugged and started walking back towards the stairs.
I really didn’t care what Preston had to say to me. I didn’t even care if he had come to apologize. There was no apology that would erase the truth—no words that could remove the scars. I certainly didn’t need his pity. I fell in love with the Anderson brothers, and that was my hurt to swallow. Hudson let his emotions get the best of him after we shared an incredible experience, but he never truly loved me. Preston was just an asshole. They were mistakes from my misguided youth—the innocence I let them destroy.
I wasn’t that girl anymore, and I wished I had enough strength to go downstairs and throw whatever I could find at him. I would never let him reduce me to tears again, and I didn’t have any forgiveness to give. It might have been different if he actually cared about me, but I knew what he wanted. I wasn’t his slut—nor would I ever be. I had no interest in climbing into bed with either of them just so they could get their rocks off like they did when they acted like they gave a damn about me. Coffee? Catch up? Hudson wanted the same damn thing. I saw right through them.
“Um, Eliza?” Melanie was at my door again.
“Yes?” I walked over and pulled the door open, feeling a little agitated.
“What was that all about?” She tilted her head to the side.
“It’s a long story.” I left the door open and walked back to my bed.
“Why don’t I know it? We—never had any secrets.” She walked over and sat down next to me.