Maidenhead

‘I’m not a blank slate, you know. I’m not just there to be educated. I read too. I wrote this.’

‘Myra. Come on, I know you wrote this. I just read it. I think it’s amazing. You write kind of rhythmically and it’s totally creative. I wasn’t doing shit like this in high school. I hope your teachers recognize that. And give you A plus plus plus plus.’

Lee passed me the joint. The joint shut me up.

§

‘Hey, Angel.’

‘Yeah?’

I wasn’t sure what to do, what he wanted.

‘Pull down your pants.’

Elijah started playing his flute. It was fast, pointy, climbing the walls.

‘Pull down your pants and piss for me.’

That flute was a twig that someone had gored to make sound.

‘Go ahead. Do it.’

Elijah looked at me through the mirror. He stopped playing. I pulled my skirt down and sat on the toilet. I didn’t take off my underwear.

‘And put your finger in the stream.’

‘No,’ I said.

‘Please, Angel. Come on. I want you to do it.’

I imagined Lee sa

ying, You’re not dumb! Go!

Elijah crouched down in front of my thighs. His head was almost half my body. Why would I go? Why would I go now? I could touch his hair, his pulsing neck. His lips in the middle of his black beard, blooming. Elijah stared between my thighs at my underwear. I felt them getting wet. I didn’t know what to do.

‘You’re ready now?’

His voice was soft. I nodded.

Elijah touched the head of his flute to my gut.

‘Don’t,’ I said. But it felt okay. Elijah pressed my stomach harder. It hurt just a little. I felt like I had to piss.

‘You can go,’ he said.

‘I don’t have to. I really don’t.’

Then Elijah traced the flute up underneath my shirt. He drew a line with it through my breasts. From under my shirt it went to my lips. He touched my lips with the head of the flute. It was damp from his mouth. He started opening my lips.

I was going to say don’t again but Elijah used my open mouth as a chance to go in. The flute was a prod. My lips hardened around it.

‘Relax them.’

I did it. I relaxed. Then I heard a sound, like a fan just turned on.

Elijah pushed in and out of my mouth with the flute. My T-shirt got pulled away from my body like a tent. There was friction. He could see everything. I felt my lips soften but I was still sucking. I let the flute move in and out of my lips, under my shirt. I closed my eyes and I knew he was looking. He was looking at me with that flute fucking in and out of my mouth. And then I couldn’t help it, with it pressing on my tongue, so relaxed I wanted to say guh, I started peeing right through my underwear. I put my hand there to stop it but I couldn’t stop it.