I quickly swung the door open and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I felt the sensation of pulsating blood in my face. My stomach became fluttery like I was going to be sick. “What’s wrong, Dallas? What’s happened to him?”
She smiled when I opened the door and I felt a small amount of relief. “Nothing has happened, at least nothing new. I’m just here to talk about him.”
I felt relief wash over me. “Please, come in.”
She walked through my door and we hugged each other as though we hadn’t seen each other in years. She squeezed me hard and groaned. “It’s good to see you. I’ve missed having you in the kitchen with me and Ginny. She’s a slave driver without you there to help me.”
I’d love to be back in the kitchen with the Hawke women. “I’ve missed you and Ginny, too.”
I had missed them, but I wanted to skip the courtesies and get straight to what brought her here. Something had to be wrong with Nick. She wasn’t here out of the clear blue without calling for no good reason.
“I know you’re wondering why I’m here.”
I wasn’t just wondering. I was dying to know. “More than just a little bit.”
“I’m here about that girl with the baby.”
Here we went. I was finally going to know for sure that Nick had a baby with another girl and I felt my nausea return.
“There’s so much you don’t know.”
I’m sure there was and I preferred to keep it that way because Nick had broken my heart enough for this century.
“Can we sit? This is gonna take a while.”
“Of course. You’ll have to excuse me because I’m so shaken that I can’t think straight.”
“You’re shaken because you love Nick.” I couldn’t argue with that so I didn’t.
We sat on the couch and I used the remote to turn off the television.
“I have things to tell you and your initial reaction is going to be to not believe me, but everything I’m about to say is the truth.”
“I’m listening.”
“That baby was not Nick’s. In fact, I’m not even sure there ever was a baby.”
I didn’t understand. How did they do a DNA test on a baby that she wasn’t sure even existed?
“Samantha Hodges has been in love with Nick for years. She has chased him for as long as I can remember and she occasionally caught him, but all of that ended when he found you and she couldn’t stand it. She orchestrated this whole baby thing. Nick never met that girl until she showed up at our house. Samantha knew you and Nick would break up and he would end up down at the pool hall getting drunk. That’s why she was there that night, to make her move on him but then you walked in and that was the topping on her cake.”
It was a good story, but that’s all it was. It was a shame that Nick had lied to his sister so well because I could see that she believed everything she was telling me. “If all of this was true, why wouldn’t he have told me when it happened?”
“He tried to explain about Samantha that night, but you were so hurt you wouldn’t listen. He knew the story about the baby would be no different.”
She was right. I didn’t believe either explanation.
“I can see you don’t believe me and that’s why I brought this.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a worn black leather book. “I know how wrong it was for me to take this. These are Nick’s most private thoughts and he will either love me or hate me for giving this to you.”
“Nick keeps a journal?”
“I know. He doesn’t seem the type.”
No, I would never have pegged Nick as one to journal. Not in a million years.
She handed the book to me and I stared at it like it was some ancient piece of art I didn’t have the right to touch. “I don’t suggest reading anything before the day he met you.”
Against my conscience screaming at me, I took the worn leather book containing all of Nick’s most private thoughts because I wanted to crawl inside his head knowing all along how completely and morally wrong it would be. “I don’t know if I can read this, Dallas. I want to, but it feels so wrong.”
“If you read it and find out he’s a lying bastard, then you’re no worse off then you were. If you read it and find out he loves you more than life itself, then it will be worth it.”
“You haven’t read it?”
“No.”
That was a huge gamble for her to bring me something she hadn’t read. “Then how do you know he doesn’t journal about the way he screwed girls behind my back the whole time we were together?”
“Because I know how much he loves you and I saw the changes in him. That’s why I’m so confident in giving this to you. I’m positive it’ll bring you back together.”
“Isn’t he going to know it’s gone?”
“Yeah, but I’m gonna blame Jake.”
Oh, hell. I wouldn’t want to be there when that went down.
I walked Dallas to the door and we said our goodbyes, not knowing if we would ever see each other again. The thought made me sad. She turned back to me before she made it to Dane’s porsche and said, “Don’t be surprised when you find out he’s breakable.”
Once Dallas was gone, I sat in my spot on the couch and stared at Nick’s tangible thoughts in my hands. I brought it to my nose and inhaled deeply, taking in the heady mixture of leather and Nick’s signature smell.
Was I ready to know Nick’s innermost thoughts? Sometimes the things that came out of his mouth were more than I could stand. I had to do some serious thinking about this.
I picked up my partially melted box of rocky road and put it back in the freezer because I didn’t seem to have an appetite for it any longer. I leaned against the kitchen counter and looked at the journal from where I stood in the kitchen as I put one of my nails to my mouth to chew.
I realized I was ruining my fresh manicure and jerked my hand away from my mouth. I left the kitchen and picked up the journal again. I cracked it open to look at his handwriting and couldn’t recall ever seeing it before. It was pretty and legible, not like most guys’ chicken scratch.
I had sat in utter silence weighing my two options with their consequences for an hour and a half when I heard the sound of keys in the front door. Claire came through the door smiling from ear to ear and I could tell she was about to burst. Yep. She definitely got an engagement ring tonight.