Maidenhead

‘Is she good?’

‘Yeah, she’s intense ... ’

Then I heard Wils take a toke, the babbling brook. ‘Why should I tell you anything, Myra?’

‘Because I’m curious. Because I’m brilliant.’

Aaron said something that I couldn’t hear. Wils laughed.

‘I believe you,’ he said.

Now I was in the car too.

‘Um, okay. Lee breathes all over me really fast, she gets in my ear and I feel kind of smothered by her,’ Wils started. ‘Then, listen, at night, when she’s sleeping, she can’t really breathe. She has some kind of problem with breathing. She loses her breath, or it’s like she holds each breath in and she makes this weird sound when it’s coming out as if she’s ­deciding if she should take another breath. It’s kind of a whining sound, like a crack in the floorboards.’

‘Sounds spiritual,’ I said. ‘Like she’s dreaming about breathing.’

‘Maybe you’re right,’ Wils said.

‘Maybe she just really needs to explode.’

‘Shut the fuck up, Myra. Do you ever shut up?’

‘Fuck you too, Wils.’

‘Bad blood between you kids, or what?’ Aaron laughed.

‘Myra thinks she’s, like, the greatest lay in the world.’

Maybe Lee had told Wils about me and Elijah.

‘Easy. Myra’s just curious, you know.’

‘She’s not curious, Aaron. She just doesn’t know what the fuck she wants so she’s going to fuck over everyone.’

‘That true, Myra?’ Aaron said. ‘You wanna fuck me over or just fuck?’

It was true that I was going to be the greatest lay in the world. I was going to experience so much that everyone would want me. I’d be a master and a slave. Elijah and Gayl would take me back.

‘What d’you think, My?’ Aaron was so stoned.

‘I’ll wait up for you,’ I said.

GAYL: Thank the Lord below. Amen. Myra’s going to get laid. Maybe now some shit will change.

§

My mother called from Seoul for the first time since she’d left. The line was so bad that I heard my voice echo first.

‘Myra! Oh shit! I just realized it’s the middle of the night. I was just about to hang up ... I forgot your birthday, Myra, I’m so sorry, my god, I can’t believe I did that, please forgive me.’

My mother sounded squealish. Maybe that was the distance.

‘Myra, you there? Yes? Oh god, I’m just so glad you picked up. You’re awake! I was going to hang up. Oh, Myra, I’m so sorry about your birthday, it’s upside-down here. I really miss you. I miss you all.’

‘Okay.’

‘I’ve just been getting everything together, you know, my documents, a bank account, all my stuff and getting jobs, teaching jobs, I mean, I can’t believe it’s been almost a month. Everything takes so long here. It’s just such a thing being over here, it’s like your life is upside-down! I mean, that’s not quite right, I mean that I feel upside-down. I feel like I’m standing on my head.’