‘She’s a natural, see how horny virgins are?’
Gayl liked what I was doing. Her voice was hoarse.
‘Look over here, slave. Let your lips open. Show me your tongue.’
I was their slave. My lips were ringed with lipstick and spit.
‘She’s the best, G., let’s only use her from now on.’
‘I knew she’d be. She’s my favourite. I told her.’
I licked Elijah’s neck. I felt the smallest centre line of my body divide.
This was a true loss of virginity: a multiplication of joy from a division of my self.
‘Look over here again, slave, show me your tits.’
I was trying to look over at Gayl, the black glass eye in front of her face. But Elijah pinched my waist and started forcing me up and down like a doll so hard that I thought he was going to make me fall off. Elijah looked like he was running on the spot. Gayl hovered on top of us.
Elijah shook his head side to side and he grunted up hard. I felt his cock twitch. I stood up too quickly. He tried to shove me back down on him but my knees were already locked straight. The condom slipped off him. I was wet. I wanted the floor. I wasn’t laughing anymore. I heard all our breaths flying out in the room.
Gayl pointed her camera down. She was filming me crouched down on the floor. I held on to Elijah’s legs. I covered myself.
‘Hold yourself open.’
I knew I could make myself come without touching myself.
‘C’mon, slave, you can do it.’
Gayl’s camera was a beast with the tail hanging down.
‘Yeah, like that, that looks good. Tell us how it feels not to be a virgin anymore.’
I couldn’t answer. I was a being being.
‘God, you’re amazing,’ Gayl went on. She was watching me, my chest up and down, my legs all relaxed. My throat and my cunt in one suctioned tube. I was making myself cum without touching myself. I looked at Gayl through her beast-like eye. ‘This is the best I’ve ever seen, Elijah. She’s ecstatic, my lord. Come on, slave, tell us, tell us how your first fucking feels.’
The condom glistened in Elijah’s cupped, callused hand. He held it like a crystal. I squeezed inside myself until I came, no hands, no thoughts, a great gush on the floor.
‘That’s how it feels,’ I got out, catching my breath. ‘I came all over your fucking place.’
Gayl didn’t turn off the camera, Elijah didn’t move from his seat. I found my clothes on the floor and got dressed.
My pussy felt bloated, it smiled and glared.
I walked to the subway in the weak morning sun. I let people look at my freshly fucked and filmed face. My head was high like royalty. I felt tender too. The kind of tenderness that could kill someone.
I’d just been in a magical porn. It was the climax of my self-fucking-worth.
Maidenhead
I made sure the side door didn’t click. In the glare of the kitchen was the head of my father on the table, my mom’s yellow recipe book as his pillow.
‘Why were you so late?’ The head roused, eyes small.
‘I was out with Lee and Aaron at a party.’
‘No.’