Little Cat

‘No … it felt good, that’s all. Can I sleep here? I’ll leave in the morning, baby, I’m just tired.’

‘After you come and it stops I want to kill you.’

I looked up the wall to that hook. The noose was still there.

‘I feel like smothering you with my pillow when you sleep. Your breathing gets heavy and I’m still up. You’re sleeping and my cunt is still beating. How can you sleep? I can’t sleep. You don’t know how to have sex. I want to stick my fingers down your throat or up your ass. I feel like sticking your head in the ground.’

‘Man, maybe I should go … ’

‘It’s like you’re dead there in front of me.’

‘I just need to go to sleep for a second.’

‘If you don’t wake up then I want another. I want you down between my legs. If you won’t do it then I want another. I want ten of you between my legs! I want you lined up to have me. It doesn’t matter who you are. I’ll just get your wiggling tongues. I’ll watch you go down on me, eat from me, drink from me. I just want your heads, your rough little cat tongues … ’

I didn’t know what she was doing. She was grabbing for my head. She was sticking her fingers in my ears! I wished at that moment I’d never come to her place. She was pushing my head, but it didn’t feel like my head. I wanted to tell her to stop it. But everything was stuck. Her fingers in my ears like two twigs. I wanted to go to sleep. But she got stronger with me, shaking my whole head. Yelling, ‘Wake up! Wake up!’ She pushed me toward her thighs. It felt like she was rolling my head up a hill.

‘Just put your tongue in me. Put your tongue in me!’

Her fingers were hooked inside my head. She forced me to her cunt and locked her thighs at my ears. Then she started bucking her hips. My mouth was slipping on top of her cunt. She was so wet that it felt like I could’ve drowned in her. I wanted to come back up for air. But she moved her pussy harder on my face. She was forcing her clit on my tongue. It felt like a bulb. Her thighs were shaking against me. She was breathing loud, I heard it coming from her cunt. I kept moving my tongue over her clit. She got bigger and bigger. I squeezed my eyes shut until everything turned black. I kept licking and licking. I think she was coming, it tasted like sugar was pouring down my chin. She was screaming so loud, it felt like she was going to pound through my face! I finally found my arms and I grabbed her ass and split it open. She came when I did that, it was like I heard it – this unlocking, this total release. I’d never felt that before, I mean a girl coming right on my face.

When she climbed off me she was quiet. I rubbed my face with her sheets. They smelled weird, like eggs.

‘Listen,’ she whispered. ‘Listen … ’

I nodded that I was listening to her. I felt sort of sick, dizzy. I couldn’t stop licking my lips. That taste of her was keeping me awake. My lips still felt like her pussy. Then she reached her arm for my neck and drew me close to her. I put my head on her chest, but I felt nervous, I don’t know. That noose was right above us and I didn’t want to ask what it was for.

‘I had this friend once,’ the girl said, stroking my cheek. ‘She did what you just did. You listening to me?’

‘Yeah, I am. I am.’ I was glad she wasn’t mad at me anymore. And her kissing that woman at the bar now made sense. She liked girls. She was bisexual.

‘Listen: to get inside someone you really have to be there. Every second

, right there. It’s at the back of your throat, inside your lips, all over your tongue. Can you hear me?’

‘Yeah, of course I can hear you. I’m right here.’ She was at the back of my throat, inside my lips, all over my tongue.

‘It’s like you’re looking down a highway at a turn in the road. There’s this car coming toward you, and you know that the car is going at the exact same speed as you are toward it, but you both can’t slow down, so it’s like your car’s racing into her car, coming closer and closer … ’

Her voice was making my head all thick and sleepy.

‘So that’s what happened with me and this girl. We were really close friends. I used to go over to her place for dinner and we’d talk and drink, I mean we did it every week. Then one night, we had a fight. It had to do with why people get hurt. I remember she said that rejection was the worst of all kinds of pain. And I was disagreeing with her because I was saying that rejection didn’t make you bleed, so it couldn’t be the strongest kind because there was no physical pain attached. Now I get how that is totally simplistic, but at the time it seemed like I was supposed to be opposing her. And I was talking a lot. I said that the worst kind of pain would be rejection where blood really starting pouring out of your heart! She rolled her eyes at me and said that the kind of pain she was talking about was real. I started laughing saying that her kind of rejection couldn’t have that much reality in it because it only applied to the person who was feeling it. And then she got so mad, all of a sudden, I mean, I wasn’t surprised, I was being an asshole for some reason, I just didn’t know why. But I think she knew why. I think she already had these kinds of feelings for me. And she jumped up off the couch, her voice got deep and she said, “You don’t understand anything I say, do you? You don’t understand anything about me.”

‘She was on the verge of tears, my friend, and I tried to pacify her. I said I was sorry, I mean, I really didn’t want to hurt her. But that just made it worse. She couldn’t speak. She ran to her room. I wasn’t sure if I should follow her or if she would come back out or if I should leave. I found myself walking down the hallway toward her bedroom. The door was slightly open. I knocked and asked if I could come in. She said okay. She was kneeling on her bed. It was the first time I’d ever been in there. She had a special area walled off for the bed. The walls were painted yellow and there were red lights everywhere. She was wearing a red fuzzy sweater that was clinging to her chest. Her breasts were pressing out high. The light was so strange. It made the place look like it was swelling. And she almost looked like a child, on her knees, begging me to play. ‚“It’s okay, just come here,” she said. Her voice got lodged in my throat.

‘I climbed up on her bed. I didn’t feel sure, but I did it. I lay down on my back. She did the same. It was too warm. She whispered something, I didn’t hear what, we were lying side to side, not touching.

‘I was stuck there on my back. But I knew where I was and what we were going to do … ’

‘Tell me what you did.’ I got that out. The girl hadn’t stopped stroking my face and I was totally turned on again listening to her story.

‘Uh, well, she whispered again and it travelled over my neck. It sounded so much like she was saying my name. I turned my eyes toward her. My skin was throbbing. Her sweater was itching against my arms. We were too close. It felt like she was reading my mind. Her gaze was so steady on my face. I ¬?couldn’t hold it. I looked at her neck. I wanted to touch it. I heard her hand move along the sheets. I was too hot, it felt like the kind of heat from a fire in the middle of winter, if you move just one inch you’ll be cold … She was coming closer and closer to me and she said I should take off my clothes. I couldn’t, though, I still couldn’t move, her hand touched my waist. It felt like the skin there was splitting in two. Her fingers worked up under my shirt. The tips were freezing. She traced along my ribs. She was moving up toward my breasts. She got there, she squeezed me. We both moaned when she did it. She used her other hand to lift up my shirt. I was breathing so fast. She pulled my bra over my breasts and she moved her head in, she jutted out her lips. She was wetting me. She was sucking on my nipples. It felt so good, I was beating all over. I put my hands on the back of her head. I wanted her to suck more, my whole breasts, the flesh and the nipples, I wanted every part of me in her mouth. I pulled her hair in my fists. I wanted to come. I felt like a man touching a girl, a girl who was writhing all over him. Do you hear? Are you listening to me?’

‘God, yeah.’

‘Girls are like this. What they want, it’s never over. I wanted to fuck her. My hands went all over her body – I wanted to fuck her, flat on her back, her body on fire, her lips were opening. I rolled over her and I started to move, see, that’s when I felt it, that I wanted to fuck, my breasts were above her, that I could fuck, that she could take me in more, and I took off her sweater, her underwear, her bra, and I pulled off my own so that when I pressed down we were naked to naked. Our bodies rubbed like steam comes off the ground. Breast to breast, thigh to thigh, our cunts moving, I couldn’t help it, my ass was up and down, my ass was in her hands, I wanted to fuck her and fuck her so bad. My knees spread open her thighs. Wetness shot down. We moaned, we were together right there, cunt to cunt, water boiling. I was licking her neck, my teeth bit her skin, her fingers dug down between both our bodies. She was splitting me wide, doing the same to herself. It was one flashing second, my clit to her clit, the walls went on fire, my clit to her clit, it all buzzed in my blood and the dark opened up on our brightest red skins. Oh god, wake up! I want you to know how this feels. Fuck. Just wake up! I want you to touch me, really touch me. I can’t stand this. I really can’t. Fuck. God. Fuck.’

I was falling asleep to the sound of her cursing, afraid of the noose being tied round my neck.