I shook my head.
‘Trust me, baby, it’ll make you feel good.’
I breathed in a bit but started to cough.
‘Come on. Just a little more,’ he laughed.
I tried but it still wouldn’t go all the way down my throat. Marijuana smoke, it smelled like bad cheese.
‘Let me do something to you, Mira.’
John looked up to the ceiling and took a deep suck of the joint. Then with his cheeks all puffed out he put his lips over mine. He blew such a huge blast of smoke down my throat that it inflated my stomach and went all the way to my vagina.
‘Feel good?’ John asked, sounding proud.
It smelled like him inside me.
‘God, you look beautiful.’
My mouth gaped wide. My eyelids were boiling.
‘I mean it, baby. You look like a princess.’
I started laughing. A Jewish American Princess!
‘Shhh … Mira, tell me about your cousin. What was his name again?’
‘Ezrah.’ I was dizzy.
‘Ezzzzraaaaah,’ John yawned. ‘What kind of name is that? Hey, baby, you okay? What kind of name is that?’
‘Hebrew.’
‘You’re Jewish?’
Tiny sharp prickling erupted in my wrists.
‘My family.’
‘So you grew up that way?’
I nodded my head up and down too fast. It made me feel sick.
‘Wow. Are you religious?’
‘No!’
‘Hey, hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable … ’
I shifted around on the couch. I thought I might vomit.
‘Hey, come on, baby,’ John whispered. ‘I’ve just never met anyone Jewish before.’
My body felt like it was buzzing full of bees. They were swarming inside the veins of my wrists, making my skin balloon out all red. I was biting the inside of my mouth to make it stop. Sour stuff coated the walls of my cheeks.
‘Hey. Hey, Mira! I said I was sorry.’
John was trying to turn me toward him. I didn’t want to move. I shut my lips tight. But then he started stroking my arms softly and I felt a too-loud laughter coming on. It was like he was skinning me.