Little Cat

‘I’ll wait.’

John just stood there. I had to sweep around his greasy, fraying jeans. Fucking leave! Just leave! I was going to scream it.

‘Stop for a second, Mira.’

I looked up.

‘What’s the problem here, huh? Didn’t you have a good time last week?’

John’s eye twitched and then widened. I really didn’t want him to be here.

‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you all week. You know that, Mira?’

God! Stop saying my name!

I started sweeping again, moving behind the counter. I wished my boss would come up from the basement. I wished I’d never gone with this person. I wished I’d never done any of it.

John was following me. I heard him saying stuff under his breath. ‘I thought things had finally changed. I thought some things had finally changed … ’

I was looking at his hands, his hands clenched in fists. I wanted to scream for my boss, but I just stood there listening to John’s jerky breath.

‘You let me have so much of you last week. You can’t tell me you didn’t like it. Remember how you were kissing me? You loved it. You can’t tell me you didn’t love it.’

His fingers opened. They were coming out toward me …

John started laughing. ‘I’m not going to hit you, fuck! You think I’m going to hit you?’

No! Fuck! You were the one who started all this! You were the one who did everything, god, why’d I let you do all that stuff?

‘You don’t want to see me again, is that it? Huh? What kind of game you playing? Say something.’

I was watching the floor, still checking his fists. I just didn’t want what was next. How much time does he have to be here? Look. Look what I got myself into …

‘What, you’re not going to talk to me? Who do you think you are? Some good girl, huh? Not by a long shot, baby. I’ve been around and I can tell you that. You gave it to me, Mira. I’ve seen how most girls are and you were willing, yeah. Other guys are going to want you to go with them too. They can tell you’re that kind of girl. They just look at you and know. You know that, too, huh, don’t you? Well, no one’s gonna do to you what we did, I can tell you that. I’ve been around. I’ve seen how things are. You’re a rare bird, baby.’

John reached out and stroked my face. I didn’t flinch. ‘Fuck, you’re probably gonna end up sleeping with any guy who says a few nice words to you. You’re a real little sex fiend, you know that? Yeah, you know that. Fuck, I’ve never been with a girl who got as wet and horny as you did, Mira. You could probably take ten guys at once!’

John’s hips started moving back and forth. His hands looked like they were holding my ass. ‘Yeah, I could get Michael and the guys and we’ll come for you after work, follow you home … We can just have you there in your daddy’s backyard, yeah, doing the train. And you’d probably moan exactly the way you moaned with me: Oooh, wait, wait, oooh … ’

‘Fuck off! Just fuck off!’

‘Mmmm, yeah, all right. Wanna hit me? Is that it? You want to hit me?’

I raised the broom from the floor.

‘Yeah, smack me with it. Do it. Smack me.’

John closed his eyes and puffed out his chest. His lips had turned white. I lifted the broom up over my head. I wanted to knock off his head.

‘Fuck you! I hate you!’

John’s eyes bolted open as the broom whacked his head. It scratched into his ear and onto his face. He started swatting me away but I just kept on smacking. I heard weird grunts from the back of my throat. I was breaking through skin. I wanted to do more.

But I stopped when I saw he was cradling his face. Light red blood was dripping through his middle fingers. When John saw the blood, it was like he got happy. He started laughing with his jaw open and was practically singing: ‘A slut, a slut, a good-time fuck, the kind of fuck that’s yours for free … ’

We heard my boss coming back upstairs. John looked at me and smiled and ran.

I’d been there for a month before I finally went onstage. The titty bar was full of exotic-dancer-visa Russians, and Nadia had been right, Romanians. There were a few girls from the Philippines, too, like Lani, who’d defected from her nannying gig. Everyone was tarted up like poodles or something and poodles hated me because I was a mutt. I’d been hanging out with the dj and walking around the bar in a bra and skirt and heels for a month. I shaved my underarms and my thighs. Adi had to almost force me onstage the first time.