‘I started out like this at home,’ she said as she made up my face with too much blush. ‘I was born with a thong on, girlfriend.’
I could never tell if she was serious or not.
I ignored Nadia every time she called me. It was like I thought talking to her would mess up my act, like it would cut the thing that I’d started between me and Adi. I told my parents that I was at the Second Cup in Union Station and that I was staying at Nadia’s most nights.
In the basement dressing room, girls were running around under fluorescent lights. They stopped to look at me getting ready for the stage. Lani started laughing her sharp birdy laugh. Adi kept me wired on her pot while she handed me things: a short dress, shiny shoes. I raised my arms, dizzy for a second.
When I told Adi that I wasn’t going to make up any stage name for myself, she was surprised. She said, ‘So this is Canadian brave?’
I stared at myself in the mirror. I didn’t feel brave. The dress was too small. My tits rubbed together, my thighs rubbed together, my lips rubbed together. I was fucked.
‘This is what they like, Mira.’ Adi slathered lipstick on my lips. ‘This is how they like you.’ She brushed my hair, pinched my cheeks.
I just wanted to stay down there with her. Lie on the floor. Turn off the lights. Lie down and not move.
That was when she told me that all the girls want to dance naked for men. All girls would do it. Every last one.
‘Not every one!’ I got high again laughing. I knew so many who would never do this, wouldn’t even think it. They’d never show their tits.
‘Listen,’ Adi said. ‘You find me a girl who won’t take off her clothes after you tell her what you like, there’s no girl like that. A girl who won’t strip after some guy tells her he wants to see her tits moving around in the air and tells her all he wants is her ass to get shaking. Then you’ll see how she wants it, how she’ll do it for your friends.’
I was thinking about Ezrah, me and Ezrah and his friends.
‘You just tell a girl how you like her sexy hot body, that you like how it moves, that you like what it does, you tell a girl this and
you’ll see how she’ll do it.’ I felt Adi’s breath steam up my forehead. ‘A beautiful girl like you, though, you’ve really got something, Mira.’
Nadia was always the beautiful one between us. I was the plain one, fleshy and hairy and brown.
Me and Adi held hands as we went back upstairs. Sweat from her palm wet the middle of mine. Now I felt more relaxed as I walked with her like that. Our hips were moving at exactly the same time.
Adi led me up near the stage and talked to the dj. He winked at me; I mean, he’d been encouraging me the whole month. ‘You’d be good at it too,’ he always said as we watched the girls dance. The dj let his tongue out of his mouth panting like a dog when he saw me all made up. It made me feel good that he thought I was hot.
The girl onstage was Lani’s best friend, Coco, a Romanian, and she was folding herself in half. Coco peered backward at the crowd through the slit in her thighs, tensing her ass cheeks open and closed. It was like she was talking to the men through her ass. I thought she was telling them: I’ll squeeze you in my cheeks. It’ll be the best feeling any one of you ever had! My asshole’s strong, fuckers! Come on! I dare you!
‘dj said you could go after,’ Adi whispered, her lips near my neck.
It felt good with her there so I leaned back. ‘I know,’ I said.
Adi laughed as she took my weight. ‘You’re a funny girl, Mira.’
I turned around and wrapped my arms around her. ‘I can’t!’ I moaned. My hands slid down her skirt.
I didn’t want to tell her I was scared of that man being in the audience. I meant Gio, who was there almost every other night. He didn’t think I was hot. He always ignored me. He took dances from Coco and Lani and I didn’t know why them, what did he like about them? Adi told me to stay away from him. She wouldn’t say anything about him but that.
Adi kissed me on the lips. Coco whipped by us.
‘Go. Go ahead.’
There was blood in my ears, I felt blood down my neck.
‘Go, Mira! Go!’ Adi gave me a shove.
After Coco’s dance, the room was always ready. I was taking Adi’s normal spot.
There I was. Standing over the men. Including him. And his horrible eyes.
I was watching my toes all crushed up in the shoes. I hated those shoes. I kicked them off. I heard clapping below me. Strong lights overhead. I felt myself moving. My hips were too loose. I felt my breasts bouncing bunched tight in the dress. God, I was stoned, with my hair in my face. I wanted it to stop. Pull my tits from my body …