Little Cat

‘No … ’

‘You were.’

‘I was not … ’

‘Yes, you were. You still are. In fact, you’ve always been kind of disgusted by me.’

‘Look, Mira, I just couldn’t be okay with all that … You in that place, all those guys, doing that … I’m sorry. I love you, okay? I couldn’t help it. It just wasn’t for me. Come on, I think most people would understand that.’

But love comes from disgust. Trusting disgust.

‘Mira? I said I’m sorry. Don’t you understand? Fuck, I thought you were dead … ’

‘I get it.’

‘It’s just that I know you can do something better with your life, that’s it. That’s all. Believe me.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Talk to me. Just keep talking to me, okay?’

‘Okay.’

‘Mira?’

‘Okay. I’ll keep talking.’

Silence.

‘Please.’

‘Okay. That girl you saw dead? Well, she was in love. And the guy she was in love with? Well, he was the one who told me what I was doing there, what men were doing with me … ’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Being there. Me being at the club.’

‘Okay … ’

‘It made sense.’

‘What made sense?’

‘It’s hard to explain.’

‘Try.’

‘Okay. Just wait.’ I took a deep breath. ‘There’s this story in the Bible about Hosea, he’s a prophet.’

‘Yeah, I know that.’

‘Okay, so Hosea marries a whore because God tells him to, because God wants to show him the meaning of love, because God will always love the whore. God loves the whore! Rahab, you know her? She was a Jewish whore, a political whore.’

‘A Jewish whore? Mira, who is this guy? Just some fucking bastard that you danced for?’

‘No.’

‘What? Was he your boyfriend too? You fucked that dead girl’s boyfriend?’