“No.” I shake my head. I’m curious and maybe also a glutton for punishment, but a part of me wants to know what he was up to while we were apart. I know if we are going to be together again, I have to let all of these things go, but there might be some things I need to know. Blanks that even Bennett won’t be able to fill in at this stage.
“I don’t want to make you upset if there’s anything up there…”
“Mr. Clarke.” The doorman opens the door for us and he looks me over before looking at Bennett.
“Thank you,” he responds. “Oh, this is my wife.” He points at me and I can see the confusion on the doorman’s face before fixing it and I give him a polite nod and wave before Bennett guides me inside.
I wait for him to lead the way, temporarily forgetting that he doesn’t know where we’re heading so I pull up my American Express app to pull up the credit card statement that we still share so I can confirm his apartment number when I hear a woman’s voice. I look up in time to see a woman flying around the counter and towards us. Her red hair flowing behind her long and wild as she pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
“Oh my God, Mr. Clarke! We’ve been so worried. I’ve spoken to your mother and Amanda, and I just…” She looks at me and then back to Bennett. “I…how are you feeling?” There’s a pang of jealousy hearing that she knows Amanda well enough to speak with her regarding Bennett. He must feel it because he squeezes my hand.
“Still a little banged up but getting better. My wife has been taking really good care of me.” He smiles as he points at me and I’ll a
dmit this little game is getting uncomfortable. When it’s clear none of these people know who I am, it just adds salt to the wound that I could feel opening the second we pulled up to the building.
“Right.” She nods. “Well, it’s good to see you, and nice to meet you.” She nods at me. We make it to the elevator and I shoot Bennett a glare.
“Can you stop doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“Clearly they’re used to seeing Amanda, or whoever else…not me.”
“Well, I want it to be clear that I’m with you, just in case anyone’s been here. Who even knows what my mother has been telling anyone and what if Amanda has shown up here?”
I sigh, as we reach the fifth floor and Bennett follows me out of the elevator. “Nice building. I wonder what the units are going for?” He runs his hand along the wall and I look up at him. “Not for us, I’m thinking about work.” He chuckles. “Although, I think we should look for somewhere new.”
The words us and we blare in my mind. “You want to move out of our apartment?”
His eyes widen and he stops me in my tracks. “What did you say?”
“What?” I repeat what I said in my head and realize my Freudian slip.
He smiles, his eyes light and seductive as he pulls his keys from his pocket. “You said ‘our.’”
I clear my throat and continue walking down the hall. “I meant ‘my.’”
“Too late. You said ‘our,’ and I think it’s something to think about…a fresh start for us.”
I frown when we stop in front of his door. “I love that apartment.”
“I just thought we could think about it. If you want to stay, that’s fine.” He shrugs as he tries a few of the keys to figure out which is correct. “I want to be wherever you want to be.” He smiles and stands in front of the door, looking down at me. “Now, before we go in here, you need to promise not to hate me for anything you may find.”
I nod reluctantly, knowing I can’t be upset over something that happened while we were apart.
He opens the door and leads me inside and I’m assuming he’s had the air on this whole time because it’s freezing. “Holy shit, it’s cold in here!” I shiver as Bennett turns on the lights and I immediately grab a sweatshirt I see sitting on the couch. I frown because Bennett is definitely neater than I am and always kept things in their place. For a second, I panic that it’s not his, but I let out a breath when I recognize his football sweatshirt from college. I slide it on over my torso just as Bennett comes back in the main area.
“I turned the air down.” He takes in my new appearance and smiles. “You always did look good in my clothes.” I pull his hood up over my head and rub my arms. “It’s fucking freezing in here, Clarke.” I chuckle. “I’m going to raid your closet for more clothes.” I chuckle.
But also, to be nosy.
I enter his room, and I’m surprised by how sparse it is. There’s a bed across from the large floor to ceiling window that looks out into the New York night. There’s a nightstand on either side and a tall dresser in a corner. A television is mounted on the wall just next to the closet. The room barely looks lived in. Nothing on the walls. No real décor. “I probably didn’t want to get comfortable here,” Bennett says as he lays across his bed. “Was probably holding onto hope you’d let me come back home.” I peek my head in his closet, extremely grateful that I don’t see any women’s clothes hanging up. When I move back into his room, I go to his drawers in search of a pair of socks as I’d just worn a pair of flats and my feet were cold once I’d removed them.
My heart stops when I see the lace in his top drawer. But…
The lace is familiar. Really fucking familiar.
I pull the pink, black, and white pairs of underwear out of the drawer, holding them in my hand. Mixed in with his briefs are my underwear…I peek my head back inside, seeing if he has anything else of mine when I find a picture. I remember this picture. We were lying in bed one morning completely naked when Bennett started taking my picture. I was laughing so hard I could barely speak and then I grabbed the camera from him and tried to take a selfie with him but I completely missed and it was just of me, cheesing obnoxiously hard, my dark hair wild and splayed over his chest. I’d accidentally cut off most of his head, though you can see a sliver of his mouth and a smile. I’m the focal point of the picture, as are the five other pictures I’ve found.