Forget Me Not

“But how is it fair for you to deny me that choice?” Her voice washes over me and I look up to find Olivia standing across the room, her eyes full of tears. Her body language shows me she has her guard all the way up and when I stand up she immediately takes a step back.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I tell Wren, my eyes not leaving Olivia.

“Be honest with her, Bennett. No bullshit,” Wren says before hanging up.

I toss my phone behind me, not caring where it lands as I move towards her. She doesn’t move away from me and when I’m close enough to touch her, I wrap my arms around her petite frame. She shakes in my arms and I know she’s succumbing to the tears she was previously keeping at bay. I lift her into my arms and walk her towards the master bedroom, needing her in our marital bed. I sit her gently on it and she looks up at me. “I just don’t see how we can come back from this. This is just another way you’ve proven that I can’t trust you.”

“You can,” I urge her. “I swear you can.” I press my hand to her cheek and rub my thumb across her lip gently. “We can start over, fresh. I’m just asking for a chance.”

She nods, her lips forming a straight line, forcing me to drop my hand from her face. “It’s always just one more chance. What happens the next time you do something like this? What about the next time you betray me? Or lie to me? Then what? What happens the next time there’s a hiccup in our marriage that sends you running into the arms of another woman.”

“Not fair.”

“Oh? What do you call what happened with Amanda, Bennett? What the fuck was that? I know how I was, believe me. But your response to my depression was you fucking some other girl? If that’s your automatic response then we’re done here.”

“No! That just happened, Olivia. We’ve talked about this.”

“And you continued to spend time with her all the while professing to be in love with me? I call bullshit.”

“You heard what I said tonight.” I grit out. “I’m not proud of it, but you’re telling me you weren’t still in love with me while you were banging that douchebag, David?”

She’s off the bed in an instant and pushing hard against my chest. “Not the same!”

“Tell me, did you stop loving me while you let him fuck you?” I growl at her. “Did you imagine me when he put his mouth on you? When he put his mouth…here?” I ask as my hand snakes down between her legs.

She gasps when I touch her and then I feel her hand, hard against my cheek. In the nine years we’ve been together, Olivia has never slapped me, and if I didn’t feel the tingling on my skin, I wouldn’t have believed she did it. Her eyes flare in anger and I know mine match hers when I push her against the wall, hard. “Did that feel good?”

“Fuck off, Bennett. We are not having sex.”

“Why? You’re turned on. You want me.”

“No,” she huffs

“Yes,” I argue.

“Maybe my body does, but my heart and mind don’t.”

“Bullshit.”

“Oh?”

“You didn’t answer my question either.” I look down at her, putting an arm on either side of her. “Did you stop loving me while you were sleeping with David? Were you or were you not using him to get over me?”

“I wasn’t using him. I was trying to move on, Bennett.”

I pull back. “Did it work? Because I had my mouth between your legs a week after I moved back in.”

“You’re such an asshole!” She pushes me.

“Admit it,” I growl at her. My mind is screaming at me that this is not the way to reconcile. This is not the way to win my wife back, but I can’t help it. I’m tired of Olivia running from me. I’m tired of feeling like the world’s shittiest husband when all I want is to be with her. I’d made a mistake in judgment, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t my entire fucking world. “I kept this from you to protect us,” I tell her when she doesn’t answer.

“Bullshit! You didn’t want to have to talk to me about your fucking girlfriend.”

“She was not my girlfriend.”

“Are you really arguing semantics with me right now? I had a fucking miscarriage and you dealt with it by sticking your dick in another woman!”

Now I was pissed.