Unconditional

“Then you get back up and keep going.” My eyes widen. I expected her to assure me that I wouldn’t. “Everyone falls sometimes…you just get back up and keep going.” She touches my cheek and strokes it gently. “Now get out there and show us what you can do.”

I’m ushered into a line by a stage mom and a girl next to me, with the same bright pink tutu looks over at me with bright shining eyes. “I heard you talking to your mom…don’t be sad, my dad isn’t here either.”

“Oh, that’s not my mom…and Cal’s not my dad…” I trail off, still trying to find the words of how to explain who Cal is in my life. I frown when I think about my real dad. “He’s better than any dad I’ve ever met.”

I’m brought back into the present by the sound of Catrina’s voice. The same young girl with the bright pink tutu is now an older girl with a white tutu indicating she’s one of the Russian dancers in the Nutcracker Ballet that our studio puts on every year. “Come on Shaw, you’re up.” She flicks my shoulder and I stand up with a sigh. “You’re being moodier than usual. You’re the Sugar Plum Fairy for God’s sake, can we put on a smile?” She leans forward into the mirror next to me and purses her freshly painted lips in the mirror. “I can’t wait to get out of this; Jacob just got home from college this afternoon and I am feigning for a good dicking.”

You and me both. I pout. “I don’t think Cal’s going to make it.”

“Oh, so that’s why you’re all pouty.” She turns towards me before looking around. “Ten years and you still get so antsy when he’s not here.” She narrows her gaze at me and for a brief second, I wonder if the answers are written all over me. That I want Cal here for reasons different than when I was ten. Before I was scared, and he made me feel brave and like I could take on anything. Now, I just wanted him here because I’m the lead and I want him to be proud of me. I want the man I love and the one that loves me to be here. He’d promised me over and over this morning that he would try his hardest to make it, but he had to go handle something a few counties over and wasn’t sure he would be back in time.

“I just feel better when he’s in the audience.”

“Hmmm.” She smooths her tutu down and pulls the straps of her leotard up. “You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”

“What?” I turn my head to hers, my voice loud and piercing and she rolls her eyes and presses a finger to her ear.

“So, that’s a yes?”

“No, Catrina. What? What would make you even say that?”

“Well, now, your reaction, and the fact that you’re pinker than the Chinese dancer costumes, and two, because no woman could survive living in a house with a man that looked like Officer Sexy without having a taste.”

I scoff. “I hate when you call him that.”

“Why? Feeling territorial?” Yes. She leans forward and runs a finger over my lashes, pushing them upwards. “Tell me you call him that in bed, don’t you?”

I roll my eyes and swat her hand away before standing up from my chair. “I don’t call him anything in bed because we are not sleeping together! You need to get your mind out of the gutter and stop with the romance books. It’s turning you into a horny nightmare.” I loved Catrina and her affinity for literally all the smutty books, but it’s made her believe that everyone is fucking each other. Or wants to.

She shrugs. “Fine, whatever.” She holds her hands up before skipping off. I look down at my phone just as it buzzes, the sound making my heart sink because I know it’s Cal telling me he isn’t going to make it.

Superhero:Still in Seattle. I’ll make it up to you, I swear. I love you.

The three words make my heart soar. I bite down on my lower lip as I clench, my sex feelings those words almost as much as my heart.

Me: And how do you plan to make it up to me?

Superhero: Talk later, Madeline.

I can read between the lines. Don’t start. I had tried to sext him once, last week when I was bored in my chemistry class. He was not having it and proceeded to give me a very stern lecture when he got home about not putting anything in writing. It made sense because, although texts could be deleted, nothing was ever permanently gone in this day in age.

Me: Fine. I go on soon, talk to you later.

Superh

ero: Break a leg.

“You were so good!” Aria bounces up and down as I come out of the dressing room and move through the sea of people towards my very loud cheering section. Aria, Margie, Grant, and Sasha were the loudest by far. But although they always succeeded in embarrassing me, I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

“Everyone needs a home team,” Aria told me once. “They’re the people that cheer hardest for you even when it’s the bottom of the ninth and the bases are loaded and all feels lost.”

Sasha bounces up and down and wraps her arms around me. “I still can’t believe your legs can do that. The man that gets you into bed is going to kiss the ground you walk on.”

“Sash!” I swat at her as Grant groans.

“What! You’re eighteen in like less than a week.” Sasha treats my entire family like they’re my older siblings and sees them in no way, shape, or form as parental. “Aren’t you taking her to a sex shop?” She points at Aria who then shoots me a glare.

“What? She wants to come too!” I smack my best friend in the arm. “You have no freaking chill!”