Unconditional

I sniffle and wipe my eyes. “I miss her.”

“I know.”

“The kids at school said my daddy killed her.”

His eyes are cold and hard and he looks away from me. I’m not sure what happened that night. I remember yelling and screaming and a loud bang. I think I fell asleep for some of it. But then Cal was there and my parents were dead.

“What else did they say?”

“Is it true?” I ask. I know my mommy and daddy died but no one told me why or how.

“Maddie…”

My chest feels like it’s about to explode, my heart is beating so fast, and I feel like I can’t see anything through the tears in my eyes. “I hid. I hid because I was scared. He was yelling and…” My lips tremble and then I’m in his arms and he’s rubbing my back as I cry into his shoulder. “I let her die. I should have done something…”

“Shhh, sweetheart, there’s nothing you could have done. You were smart to hide. Your mommy would have wanted you to hide.”

He continues to talk but I don’t hear it. All I can hear is my mother’s voice floating around me. Singing to me. Reading me the story of “Madeline.” Teaching me how to play Hopscotch and jump rope and giving me the warmest hugs. She smelled like honey and always came when I called.

Except now.

Cal stands with me still in his arms and takes me into his bedroom and sets me on my feet. I squeeze my pink bunny harder as he moves into his closet and pulls something out of a large bag.

“This is technically evidence, but I knew one day you would want it. I didn’t want this to be filed away where you would never see them.”

I take the book from his hands reluctantly and sit on the ground. I open the book and wipe my nose as the tears begin to form again when I realize it’s a photo album.

“Mommy.” I press my fingers to a picture of her and pull it from the sleeve and hold it in my hands as he sits down across from me. “Thank you.”

He nods and rubs his jaw. I’ve noticed he has more of a beard lately. “I want you to be happy, Maddie, so if you want to go, I’ll call your social worker. We can still be friends.” He smiles at me and I shake my head back and forth.

“No!” I scoot closer to where he’s sitting and sit up on my knees putting my hands on his shoulders. “I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it.” I shake my head. “I want to stay. Please let me stay.”

“If you’re not happy here…”

“I am! If I can’t be with my Mommy…” I trail off. “I want to be with you.”

I press the album to my chest and let out a sigh. I bite my bottom lip, to stop the tears from falling but it’s no use. My eyes drift upwards, and I let them flutter closed as I try to picture my mother smiling down on me.

It isn’t until dinnertime when I finally emerge to find Margie cooking in the kitchen.

“Hey Mads, I was just about to come get you! You all settled?”

I wince at her words. It’s been four hours and I already miss him. “Yep, I’m in. Do you need any help?”

“No, I’m almost finished.” She washes her hands before turning to me with her head cocked to the side.

“What?”

“We should have a little talk.”

“Margie…” I trail off and she points at the chair indicating that I need to sit.

I do as she says and rest my head on my fist. “Yes…?”

“So, there’s going to be some rules, missy.”

“Like a curfew? I assumed.”