“Then, if I’m lucky, I’ll be allowed to sleep on the concrete lounge so that the Muff Cat can piss on my head.”
He drops his head and laughs once more.
“Will you stop fucking laughing?” I snap.
“I can’t help it.” He chuckles. “So this kid is the one who attacked you with the underpants?”
“No, this is the kid who hanged the teddy . . . the serial-killer one.”
Jameson puts his hand over his mouth to stifle his laugh once more. “This is fucking hilarious, Tris. I swear to God you’re being punked or some shit. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.”
I run my fingers over my lips as I agree with his theory. “It’s like an elaborate plan to set me up to fail.”
“Well, that’s what he’s doing. He wants you to stop hanging around. He’s effectively pushing you out. Quite smart, if you ask me, and very effective.”
I narrow my eyes and punch my fist.
“Anyway, it’s easily fixed.” He shrugs as he sips his beer. “Leave. Move on. She sounds like more trouble than she’s worth.”
“Nope, not happening.”
He screws up his face. “You really like this girl?”
I shrug. “I do.”
“Realistically, though, where is this going to go? I mean, long term you aren’t going to be with her. Why put yourself through hell with her kids if you and she aren’t suited anyway?”
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on with us, but I do know that I want to be with her in the right now, and a fucktard little kid isn’t winning and keeping her from me.”
“What would happen if you go over there accusing him and going out of your mind like you want to?”
“She’ll kick me out. Hands down, I come second to the kids. Actually . . . I probably come third after Woofy. No, fourth, after the Muff.” I sip my beer. “It’s not even a question. I don’t even have a fucking rank.” I take another sip. “I am rankless in that house.”
He smiles into his beer, and we both sit there for a moment in silence as we think.
“You know, we would have pulled this shit when we were kids if Mom tried to date someone else. Can you imagine what we would have collectively done?”
“I guess.” I sigh into my beer.
“We’d always conspire to get rid of our governesses. They were dropping like flies for a while there.”
“Then there was Maria.” I smirk. “She put a stop to that.”
Jameson chuckles. “Hottest fucking nanny I ever saw . . . I wonder what ever happened to her?”
I shrug, and we sit in silence for a while as I troll my mind. “Unless . . . ,” I murmur as a plan takes shape in my mind.
“Unless what?”
I smile broadly. “Do you know where there’s a hardware store in New York? I need a few things.”
“Why?”
I stand with renewed determination. “Jameson . . . if you can’t beat them, join them.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Oh Jesus. Here we go.”
I wink.