This is his insecurity.
He’s a good guy doing a job he’s not proud of.
I get a lump in my throat as I imagine what he must feel as he tears a company apart in the name of profit. I smile over at him. “You know, Tris, out of all the people I have met in my life, you have been the biggest surprise.”
“Why is that?”
“You’re not at all who I thought you were.”
“Who did you think I was?”
I reach over and take his hand. “Somebody that I could never have feelings for.”
The air crackles between us.
“What are those feelings, Claire?” He picks up my hand and kisses my fingertips. “You keep hinting at these feelings, but you haven’t told me what they actually are.”
Our eyes are locked, and he knows that I know that I’m in love with him.
He wants me to tell him. He’s waiting to hear the three sacred words; I know he is.
Those magical words swirl between us so often—the closeness and tenderness after we make love. I can almost hear them whispered in the air. I know he does too.
It’s too soon.
I need to be sure. I need to know that this is going to work, because once I tell him that I love him, I can’t take it back.
“You know, Tris . . .” I pause. “I don’t want to sound insecure, because I’m not. I’m more than happy with who I am. But I do wonder what you see when you look at me.”
He leans his face onto his hand as he watches me.
I feel suddenly uncomfortable. Why did I say that?
“You know what I see, Claire.”
I frown.
“I don’t see anything . . . it’s how I feel.”
I take his hand again.
“For the first time in my life . . .” He frowns, as if getting the wording right in his head.
“How do you feel, Tris?” I whisper.
His eyes meet mine. “Like myself.”
Emotion fills my heart.
“I feel that when I’m with you, I’m who I’m supposed to be.”
; I smile softly.
“It’s like . . .” He frowns. “It’s like I’ve gone back to being a teenager, and you’re reprogramming everything I thought I ever knew.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I whisper, confused. “I don’t want to reprogram you.”