I slide down the wall and sit on the hard, cold tiles. I roll into a ball to try to protect myself from the pain.
But there is no antidote for this situation . . . I’m going to lose him.
Maybe I did already.
Sadness is heavy. Sadness is still.
I lie in the darkness and watch the time tick by: 11:53 p.m.
My mind goes to my beautiful man. What’s he doing?
I can’t do this. I can’t lie here and do nothing.
I have to try to fix this. I can’t go to sleep without speaking to him. I lean over and grab my phone from the side table and dial his number. My heart beats nervously as I wait for him to pick up.
It stops ringing . . . he declined the call.
My stomach sinks.
He’s never rejected a call from me . . .
ever.
I think for a moment, and I text.
I’m sorry about today,
I don’t know what happened.
It spiraled out of control.
I’ll call you tomorrow.
Goodnight,
I love you.
xoxo
I watch and see the read symbol come up. I smile . . . he saw it.
I wait as I hold my breath.
“Reply,” I whisper. I hold my breath as I wait.
Nothing.
I watch and watch . . . and wait.
My eyes fill with tears. “Reply, baby.”
But he doesn’t, and I know he’s not going to.
My heart drops to a new low, and the tears come hard and fast.
I’ve ruined everything.
I sit and stare at the figures on my computer, trying to miraculously find an extra $200,000.