I stare at the floor, unable to drag my eyes to his.
“Why are you crying?” he whispers as he sits down next to me and takes me into his arms.
“Do you want to be with him?” I ask.
“No.” His eyes are sad—so much pain behind them. “I love you. I want to be with you.”
My eyes search his. “Do you still love Robert?”
He stares at me, but doesn’t answer, unable to push the lie past his lips.
My eyes well with tears, the lump in my throat is so big, it hurts.
“I want to be with you, Eliza.”
“That’s not what I asked, Nathan.”
“I have a history with Robert but my future is with you. I’m sorry he came here. I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
He holds me in his arms, but I don’t feel loved.
I feel in the way.
I feel like his heart is breaking and he wants to go to Robert.
I feel betrayed.
“I’m going to…” I pause as I try to think of an excuse to get away from him…to get away from his hurt, “take a shower.”
“Okay.” He lets me go.
I walk into the bathroom, lock the door, and slide down the back of it to sit on the floor.
And all alone, I sob in silence.
I lie in bed in the darkness. I’m on my side, facing the wall.
Nathan is beside me with his back to me.
He’s silent. I am silent.
There’s an elephant in the room, in between us in bed.
Robert.
The air is heavy with regret, filled with lost hopes and dreams.
And an unplanned pregnancy.
“What’s wrong?” Nathan whispers.
Every time he speaks to me I get a lump in my throat and it’s hard to answer.
How do you verbalize so much hurt?
“Nothing,” I murmur into the darkness.
He hesitates, as if wanting to say something, but he doesn’t.