Our Way

“Nathan.” I sigh.

“I’m done.” His eyes hold mine.

“Don’t say that.”

His eyes meet mine. “I loved you with all of my heart.” He turns toward the door. “Goodbye, Eliza.”

My face falls along with my tears. Nathan walks out the front door and doesn’t look back.

It clicks shut with a final bang.

24

Eliza

I sit and stare at the paper in front of me with the pen in my hand.

What can I possibly write to make sense of this? I just want him to understand, although I’m not even sure myself.

I’m just going to lay it all out on the table. He can decipher it as he wishes.

Nathan.

Timing hasn’t been kind to us, my darling.

We met ten years ago by, what I thought at the time, was an accident.

It was anything but an accident. I believe it was fate.

I was meant to meet you, to be by your side as a friend for ten years. We were meant to fall in love, and in a perfect world we would have ruled that world together.

But I have doubts, and not about my feelings for you, because they are set in concrete. I will love you for all of eternity.

My fears are for you.

You see, Nathan, I know how much you care about me, and I know that any man who sleeps beside a woman for a long period of time will develop feelings for her. You were blindsided by your attraction to me, and in the end, you couldn’t fight it. We moved quickly and fell in love, and the days I spent in your arms are the happiest times of my life.

But things fell apart, and I’m broken-hearted, battling to get through the days. So, I’m going to explain things from my perspective. I’m not saying I’m right and you’re wrong or vice versa. I’m just trying to find a solution to this mess.

And being honest with each other seems like the only thing we haven’t yet done.

When you went to Stephanie when you had feelings for me, it broke something between us.

The trust I had in my best friend was lost.

I tried to get it back, but it never recovered. I was insecure about her, and then in Majorca, you told me that the biggest regret in your life was leaving Robert. It made me wonder if you’d ever gotten over him.

A feeling that stayed with me throughout our time together.

We came back to San Fran and moved in together immediately, I never resolved my Stephanie and Robert fears. This was entirely my fault, not yours. I blame myself for not talking to you and trying to resolve this earlier. I didn’t want to be the insecure girlfriend. I thought you deserved better.

Then I found out that you spoke to Robert every day, and obviously still cared for him. That, coupled with the fact you were friends with Stephanie all along and had lied to me about it, left me feeling so betrayed and only fueled my fears even more so.

While being desperately in love with you, my insecurities were spiralling of control.

Then, I met Zavier at the conference.

He was lovely, and we clicked straight away. I knew from the first moment that I talked to him that you and him were lovers. I wasn’t upset about it. I can see why. He’s beautiful.