“Tell me about your family?” he says to me.
“What do you want to know?”
“You said your parents got divorced when you were young.”
“Yes.” I pick up a sponge and squeeze the water out of it. “They did.”
“Why?”
“My father had an affair. He…” I pause. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about this. “He was in love with someone else and… he left us.”
Enrico picks up my foot and kisses it, not saying anything in response.
“It changed me. I’ve never been the same since.”
“Why not?”
“A piece of my love for my father died with his admission.” I splash the water up over my breasts as I think back to my painful childhood. “I felt like my whole life was a lie. If he didn’t love my mum, how could he possibly love me?”
Enrico watches me intently.
“I remember crying myself to sleep, wishing I’d been better behaved because then he wouldn’t have left us.”
He picks my foot up and kisses it again.
“I’ll never understand how a person could be married to someone and have feelings for someone else,” I sigh. “I mean, how can that happen?” I sigh.
We stay silent for a while.
“He’s definitely not you,” I add.
“Meaning what?”
“Ferrara’s marry for life.” I smile softly. “Remember when you told me that?”
He clenches his jaw.
“It was one of the most honorable things any man has ever said to me.” I smile.
His eyes hold mine as his face falls.
“Dad went on to marry some other woman. He didn’t even marry the woman he left us for.”
“He didn’t leave you,” he says.
“He did. He left us because my mother was never the same, either. She went a little crazy herself, dating every man that looked her way.”
He runs his hands up my legs as he listens.
“As soon as they brought other people into their lives, it felt like my brother and I didn’t matter to them anymore. I know we did, deep down, but they had a separate life to us then—one we weren’t included in. A secret society for lovers. Children weren’t invited. I knew they both looked forward to their weekends without us so that they could do what they wanted with their new flings. I always felt in the way, and so did my brother.”
Enrico exhales heavily.
“I’m not going to be like them,” I whisper. “Over my dead body will I ever be like them.”
“Is that why you don’t sleep around?”
I think on that for a moment. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I’m just not wired like that. I have to really feel something to want to have sex with someone.”