“Is this the master suite?” I ask.
He frowns. “Um no…Am…I mean Amelie has the main bedroom, you know, since she is here all the time.” I nod again. He’s talking too fast, too panicky. Yep, he’s just as nervous having me here as I am being here. We walk back downstairs and Josh shows me around the frigging King Henry the Eighth castle. It’s a wonder it doesn’t have a damn moat. My mind is everywhere but on his tour guide skills.
“Come on, we will go up to the stables.” He gestures to the back of the house. I nod and follow him out the door to where he gets into a huge Range Rover utility that is waiting at the back door. I will never get used to having this kind of money; it’s just so ridiculous. Who has spare new cars sitting on farms? We sit in silence as we drive on the dirt roads over another set of hills. I have never felt like such a fish out of water. Horses and I have a hate–hate relationship. I hate them and they hate me. We pull over another hill and I am shocked—my jaw literally hits the floor. Rows and rows of stables and I can see at least ten workers around, doing different things. The car pulls up and they all come straight over to us. It’s remarkable how differently Joshua treats his staff out here, as if they are all his friends. Maybe they are. I am being introduced to all of them, one by one, when I see her and my heart drops. A beautiful natural blonde comes out of one of the stables, wearing navy jodhpurs and a pink check shirt and riding boots. Oh my god, she looks like frigging Grace Kelly… I’m so screwed. And she looks good in jodhpurs. Nobody looks good in jodhpurs. If I put a pair on I would evacuate this whole establishment, everybody would run for the hills. I can’t compete with this shit. Her hands are dirty and her hair is in a low loose bun. She has no makeup on and her skin is flawless. Damn those English girls and their perfect skin. She is naturally stunning. Her eyes light up when she sees Joshua and she laughs out loud and runs over and cuddles him. He returns her cuddle and then seems to remember that I am here and pulls back.
“This is Natasha,” he says nervously to her.
She gives me a warm smile. “Lovely to meet you, Natasha.” Oh god, her accent is lovely. Another nail in my fucking coffin.
“Hello,” I stammer. Witty… good one Natasha, you horse–hating freak.
“I would shake your hand but I’m terribly dirty. I’m sorry.” She smiles. Jeez, she’s nice too. How annoying.
“Ok, what’s the verdict?” Joshua asks. She starts talking horse jargon and they walk together deep in conversation toward the stable. I stand still on the spot, unsure if I am meant to be going with them or not.
Joshua turns to me. “This way baby.” He holds his hand out for me. I nod and give him a weak smile and follow him, he puts his arm around me and kisses my temple as we walk. Ok, now I’m confused, he’s not acting like I think he will, maybe this is all in my head. She smiles another warm smile at me, totally unaffected by my presence.
“Sit up here, presh.” He lifts me so I am sitting up on some high gates away from the horses and I give him a thankful smile. He remembered I’m scared of horses. Why in the hell didn’t I do riding lessons when I was a kid? There is a horse on the ground lying down and they both kneel next to it.
“So she had a temperature for the last couple of days and I thought she had an infection or something so I put her on antibiotics, but then when I came to check on her through the night she was down and couldn’t get up.”
Joshua frowns and pats her.
“Sh, sh,” he says to the horse in a calming voice. I sit detached from the situation. It is blatantly obvious how passionate Joshua is about this farm and his horses. I sit and watch them in silence for an hour deep in discussion, and seemingly innocent, and finally my legs are asleep and I go to jump down.
Josh jumps up. “You ok babe? Do you want me to take you back to the house?” he asks. Amelie is writing in a notebook and googling something on her iPad.
“No, it’s ok. I can get someone else to take me back if you want.” I smile.
He shakes his head. “No, I will take you back. I want to spend some time with you.”
I smile and nod. Ok, I think this is totally in my head. He wouldn’t say that in front of her if he had feelings for her.
“Am, why don’t you come home and we can come back together later?” he whispers. Hmm, I’m not sure if I like the sound of that.
She smiles. “No thanks, I will stay here, just get someone to bring me some dinner later tonight. I will call you if there is a change.”
He smiles as he stands and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Thanks.” He smiles.
“Bye darling,” she says. Josh bites his lip as he realises the slip of her tongue and his eyes flick to mine. I instantly look down…don’t be the jealous girlfriend…don’t be the jealous girlfriend. It’s really hard not to be, when I so obviously am. He grabs my hand and we walk back to the car and head back to the house. We ride in silence.
“You’re very quiet presh, you ok?” I nod. Don’t say it…don’t say it. It’s like a volcano that is poisoning me and I blurt out the words.
“Josh, why aren’t you with Amelie?” He puts his hand on my le
g and sighs. He knew this question was coming.
“Because I’m in love with you.”
“Have you ever been with her?” I ask.
He frowns and shakes his head. “Amelie is not the kind of girl you be with, Tash. She’s like you. It’s all or nothing.” I bite my lip and look down. Not the answer I was looking for.
“So why has it been nothing then?” I ask. He shrugs his shoulders. “Because I have never let myself…let it go there because I was still in love with you, and it wouldn’t be fair to her.” I nod…fair to her…not that he’s not attracted to her.
“So if we were over you would probably be with her?”
He gives me a sad smile and squeezes my leg. “Don’t do this to yourself. I am with you and I am staying with you and we are planning a future together and Am knows that. She’s fine with it.” Oh my god…she’s fine with it.