Mum swallows. “What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry, your mother and grandmother has advanced stage four cancer.”
“What!” Mum gasps.
Bridget silently grabs my hand as we sit still in shock.
“We think it may have started as bone cancer but it has now spread to her pancreas,” the doctor says sympathetically. “We will make sure that she doesn’t suffer any pain but to be realistic I don’t think that she will leave the hospital.”
Mum frowns. “But she has been so well—there haven’t been any signs. I am with her at least three times a week, surely there would have been some signs if she was unwell.” Mum’s voice is rising as the reality of the situation starts to hit her full force.
“There must be something that you can do. Money is no object, my brother Robert Stanton is a very wealthy man. Some treatment, overseas?”
The doctor sighs, shakes his head and pulls out the X-rays and puts them onto the light box. We all gasp as the obvious shadows cloud the screen.
The doctor points and explains the shadows as the three of us sit in silent horror.
“Please remember that your mother is eighty-four, her body cannot be cured of the cancer at this late stage of diagnosis. I’m sorry there is nothing we can do.”
Mum puts her head in her hands and starts to weep. I feel like I am having an out-of-body experience and this is not really happening … I feel detached, with no emotion. This can’t be real.
“How long does she have, Doctor?” Mum whispers through her tears.
He puts his hand on her shoulder as he stands. “Not long … a few weeks, maybe less.”
Bridget pulls Mum into an embrace and they both cry as the doctor leaves the room.
I sit back in the chair, devoid of any feeling. More hurt is coming for my beautiful mother and sister. How much more can one family take? When is enough, literally enough?
The next three days is a blur of waiting rooms in the hospital, only leaving to sleep. Robert and Margaret arrive with Wilson, Scott and his wife Alyssa. We sit camped in the waiting room outside the palliative care unit, the most depressing place on earth. I thought the intensive care waiting room was depressing, but at least people there have a chance of getting better. Every visitor has come to this ward to say goodbye to their loved one, there is no chance of getting out of here alive. Bridget is so tired she doesn’t care anymore and is asleep on the lounge, spread-eagled, perhaps even dribbling. I am sitting on the floor next to the vending machine with Wilson. My legs are curled up and my arms are around my knees. I am lost in thought. Margaret, Scott and Alyssa are on the lounges. My mother and Robert are in with Gran—
they haven’t left her side. How do you say goodbye to your parent? It’s something nobody should have to do. Cancer. How many beautiful people have to die of this insidious disease before they find a cure? Why in the hell are the world’s leaders spending billions of dollars every year on space exploration when we have a disaster on the earth to explore? I know every taxpayer on earth wants a cure for cancer. The governments need to find one … quickly.
Max is here, sitting in the corner reading on his iPad. It’s strangely comforting having him here. I think back to when he first starting guarding me at Joshua’s insistence and how much I hated it, but now I understand what poor Joshua deals with every day and why he is like he is and why Ben is so obsessive about Joshua’s safety. Apparently about three years ago Joshua’s company designed an app and sold it in a multimillion dollar deal to a major company who were in talks with another man about his app. Unbeknown to Adrian and Joshua the company dumped the other man and bought Josh’s app instead. The man then went berserk, claiming Joshua’s company stole his app idea and that in effect Joshua had stolen millions of dollars from him, costing him his wife and family. The man is mentally unstable and is obviously not taking his medication. Max said that not long after that the man broke into Joshua’s house and was waiting there when Joshua got home after a night out. Luckily he had Carson and the boys with him and a security guard. The man had a gun and was going crazy, threatening to kill him, but they managed to wrestle him to the ground and hold him there until the police came and arrested him. He was ordered into psychiatric care and an AVO was placed on him but then eighteen months ago Joshua was walking into a restaurant one Saturday night with Adrian and Ben and the same man turned up with a gun and fired a shot at them. Luckily he can’t shoot and he missed, but he escaped and is still at large. Max won’t tell me his name. I think he is scared that I can look up on the system or something. I can’t, mental health records are not accessible to just anyone. But I would love to see his psychometric testing so I could see how dangerous I think he is. They live in constant fear that he will turn up and try to kill again. He has since threatened to kill Adrian and I guess they think that I am in danger because I was photographed with Joshua … that and the fact that the world still thinks we are married.
The carjacking thing in LA though is still baffling to me. If this man is so unstable, he probably doesn’t hold down a permanent job, which means he wouldn’t have the money to hire a hit man. I have discussed my theory with Max and he agrees with me. We think it’s highly unlikely that this is the same man but the police are sure it is … so I don’t know. The police have footage of the hit men that attacked Joshua in the petrol station that night and are just waiting to get a name and then they will be able to trace his bank accounts to find out any info or perhaps the person who hired the hit. Either way, my nightmares are warranted. My beautiful man has crazy people who want him dead and he is heavily guarded. I know he hates it. I am pulled from my nightmare as the doors at the end of the corridor open. My heart stops and I gasp when I see first Ben walk in, then another guard. Cameron walks in front, wearing jeans and a white shirt, his hair curled and unruly, and behind them Joshua.
Two guards walk behind him. I feel like I am watching this in slow motion. He’s wearing a navy suit and pale pink shirt, navy tie. His height and stance dominate the men around him. His dark chocolate hair is super short which only accentuates his strong jaw line, dark skin and beautiful large lips … Dear god! My eyes close in pain and I drop my head.
I had forgotten how beautiful he is.
He walks gracefully down the corridor without noticing us tucked in the corner. My heart has stopped as I watch him from across the room. How can any human being hold so much sexual energy? It’s unfair. I am immediately overcome with a wave of affection for him and my eyes fill with tears. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Ben sees us and heads in our direction. I don’t know if I am going to wet myself or jump up and down and scream like a groupie. Bridget is now sitting sleepily in her chair and her eyes are about to bulge from her head as she looks at me. Yes Bridget, I fucking see it.
They walk over to us and Cameron immediately cuddles his mother and kisses her cheek. I am overcome with emotion as I scramble to my feet. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I stand at the back of the group like a child waiting for my turn. Joshua then turns and kisses my mum who has come out of the hospital room. He pulls her into an embrace and then Bridget, then Margaret. I stand still, frozen. My turn, my turn.
Cameron walks over to me. “Hi Tash,” he whispers as he kisses my cheek gently and puts his arm around me but my eyes are firmly set on Joshua who hasn’t even looked in my direction. The family collectively hold their breath as I walk over to him. His hands are in his pockets and he is looking down at the ground.
“Hello, Joshua,” I whisper as I lean up to kiss him on the cheek.
His cold eyes meet mine and he turns his head to avoid my kiss.
“Don’t touch me,” he whispers.
Chapter 12
I step back from him in shock and Bridget puts her arm around me gently in pity, as my heart drops. Don’t touch him … he told me not to touch him. I look at the ground immediately as I try to pull myself together, my world spinning on its axis. Robert, Joshua’s father, enters the room and laughs out loud at the sight of his two sons. He embraces them both. Bridget grabs my hand in support. I stand still, head down. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. Wilson and Scott walk over and the family start talking. Cameron is asking Robert about the prognosis when I see something catch Joshua’s eye over my shoulder. He runs his tongue over the front of his top teeth.
“Excuse me for a moment,” he snaps as he brushes past me.