He frowns and his eyes flick to me. “Just ok?”
I hunch my shoulders. “Yeah, Gran got sick just after I started so I haven’t really been in a good place at work. I don’t know, I don’t feel like I have made a difference yet.”
He smiles sadly. “Oh,” he whispers. “Is that why you do your job, to make a difference?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Yes, I suppose.”
“Why did you stop working at the sexual clinic?”
I drop my head. “I just saw me and you in too many of my clients and it was messing up with my head too much.”
He frowns. “Me and you? What do you mean?”
I blow out a breath—how did we get onto this deep subject? Do I say this out loud? “Umm … I saw men everyday who were deeply in love with their wives but regularly slept with other women and I saw women everyday whose husbands had been unfaithful and they have never recovered from it and had absolutely no self-esteem.” I scratch the back of my head uncomfortably and my eyes meet his. “It was just too close to home,” I whisper.
He drops his head as he thinks. “Do you think that that is what happened between us?”
I shrug. “I know it’s not how it happened and that there were crazy circumstances but …” I shrug, unable to articulate what I want to say.
“Tash, if I had thought we even had 0.5% of getting back together I would never have left your side.” He reaches over and grabs my hand and
I squeeze it affectionately. “You know that don’t you?” he whispers as his eyes meet mine.
I smile as my eyes tear up and I am lost for words so I try to change the subject. “Tell me about this job you are doing.”
“Um, I did their programs years ago and stupidly signed a contract for the upgrade so while we are here we are getting it out of the way. It should take about six weeks or so.”
I nod. “So who is doing it with you?” I ask
“Four techs and Murph.”
I smile. “What does Murph actually do?”
He shrugs. “Nothing, just manage things. I don’t like to go anywhere without him.” He smiles shyly. “I don’t really like dealing with all of the management shit. I just want to be on my computer and not deal with anything or anyone else.”
I smile. “You are lucky to have him.”
He nods. “Yeah I know. Cam and Murph are good value.”
I smile broadly. “What about me? Am I good value?”
“You, my dear precious girl, are exceptional value.” He smiles as he picks up my foot and kisses the top of it and my heart fills with joy. Exceptional value, who would have thought? My god, Joshua Stanton … do you know your value?
Chapter 19
We lie in my bed contented and satisfied. That was close, how I held him off from sex I will never know. If he had pushed for it I would have caved. I told him that we were not being intimate, but the reality is I crave for it from him, ache for it. I don’t have it in me to not let him touch me and he is heaven under my hands. When I am here and in the moment with this man, nothing else matters. This is where I am supposed to be, with my love in my bed. Joshua has his head on my chest, my arms are wrapped around him as I gently run my fingers over his back, his hand is on my stomach and he intermittently kisses my chest as he lies close. Something is going on between us, I can feel it. There is a tenderness that I haven’t felt from him since my father died and god I’ve missed it. I’m exhausted, I need to go to sleep. I kiss the top of his head gently.
“Baby,” I ask.
“Hmm,” he replies.
“Can you be here when I wake up please?” I ask. I can’t help myself.
“Yeah ok.” He kisses my chest again and snuggles his head into my breast and breathes a deep contented sigh.
I am just drifting off.
“Tash,” he whispers.