“What?” she whispers shyly.
“You like to watch too.” I smile.
She bites her lip as she giggles. “You are a bad influence on me, Mr Stanton.”
I lean in and kiss her passionately. I love this woman. We lie in each other’s arms for another ten minutes.
“I’m having a shower,” Tash whispers as she kisses me again quickly on the lips. “I smell like semen.”
I smile and rub my hand over her ass. “I like you smelling like my semen.”
“Shower,” she repeats.
“Hmm,” I sigh as I put the back of my forearm over my eyes. “Meet you in there presh.” She stands and I roll and grab her ass. “Seconds?” I raise a brow in question.
“Hmm, later.” She smiles as she jumps up and leaves the room, I hear the shower turn on and I lie in the silence for a moment as my heart rate slows. God, she’s incredible. I have never had sex like I have with her. We are so compatible. I start to doze in a hazy state of contentment.
“Joshua, get in here,” she yells and I smile with my eyes closed. Demanding thing. I swing my legs to get out of bed and accidentally knock her diary off the bedside table and onto the floor. I yawn as I bend and pick it up. This is the new one that I haven’t read. I open a random page and smile as I start to read.
“Joshua!” she calls.
Joshua told me last night that he only wants to have sex and has no intention of picking up where we left off. I’m gutted, in tears as I write this, I thought everything was going to turn out between us. It’s becoming more apparent every day that he doesn’t feel the same as I do. Maybe he never has?
Guilt hits me in the stomach. The night in the restaurant—I remember it well. Why am I such a selfish prick? I shake my head in disgust at myself.
“Josh I’m washing myself,” she calls and I smile again as I continue reading.
I think the girls might be right when they say I will one day regret not sleeping with anyone else. I wish I could release myself from Joshua’s grip … for just one night. I want to feel another man’s hands on me … inside of me.
Pain lances through my chest. What?
I already know I will never be able to betray him like that. I belong to him and I guess it is something that I will die wondering about. How does it feel to have sex with someone you don’t love? To have no emotional connection. No pain when they leave. I want it so badly but I love Joshua more. I will stay loyal to him forever, even if he doesn’t want me. The sick thing is even if we get back together deep down I know I will always wish I had done it when I had the chance. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
I snap the diary shut in a rush and put my hand over my mouth as nausea fills my stomach. She craves another man’s touch. I drop my head into my hands as I sit on the side of the bed, and a lump forms in my throat. I had no idea she felt like this … I just assumed. After every sacrifice she has made for me over the years she still craves another man’s touch and no matter how hard I try that is something I cannot give her.
Natasha
I look out the window as we turn into the hospital. It’s Monday morning and Joshua is dropping me at work. We have a security car in front and one behind us. I bite my bottom lip as I study him.
“Is something wrong?” I ask as I reach over and run my hand up the back of his neck.
He frowns and his eyes flick to me. “No, why do you say that?”
I shrug. “You’re just quiet.”
He smiles softly as he reaches over, picks up my hand and kisses the back of it. “I will be happy when this psycho doesn’t get off today.”
I nod uncomfortably. “Me too, do you think he will?” Coby Allender’s bail hearing is going to court today. Max is going to watch in the public gallery.
He shakes his head in frustration and shrugs his shoulders. “Hope so.”
I continue to watch him, that’s not it. “Are you sure that’s all it is? You have been qui
et all weekend and you have hardly eaten a thing since Friday.”
He frowns at me as he chews his thumbnail. “Natasha, a serial killer who has possibly stolen your vibrator and a sexual blackmail case against me is a reason to worry, don’t you think?” he snaps.
I nod sympathetically. “Yes, you’re right. Sorry.” We pull into the drop-off area and my guard gets out of the car behind us.