Stanton Box Set

“Oh yeah.” A big bald man calls, “Looky, looky what we have here.” He purrs.

I glare at him through the bars and keep walking down the hallway to the collective sound of wolf whistles. Oh my god, this place stinks of body odour, cleaning fluid and sex, and my stomach rolls at the thought. Eventually we get to the end of the corridor and the guard slides opens the barred door with a key and holds it open. My eyes search the space: a small single bed with a plastic mattress on one side and a stainless steel toilet with no toilet seat and a sink next to it on the other. No windows, no doors. My eyes close in pain. I can’t stand the thought of being locked up in here. I feel claustrophobic. I can’t stand it. Don’t leave me in here. No.

“In,” the guard grunts.

I bite my bottom lip to try and stop myself from losing it.

“In,” the guard repeats.

I hang my head and slowly enter the small cell. He undoes my handcuffs and feet chains and gives me a small smile. “Keep to yourself,” he whispers quietly. “Don’t get into any trouble and you will be rewarded.”

I nod and drop my head.

“I will bring you some blankets. Have you eaten?” he asks.

I shake my head with my eyes cast down. Food is the absolute last thing on my mind.

“I will bring you back some food,” he replies, but hesitates before he leaves the cell and my scared eyes rise to meet his.

“You will be ok,” he says reassuringly. “Keep to yourself,” he repeats as if trying to warn me about something.

I nod and drop my head again. Another guard comes up the aisle pushing a trolley and takes off some blankets and passes them to the guard and he puts them on the end of the bed in a folded pile. He then takes a tray of food and puts it on the bed.

I stand at the doorway and look down the hall. I need to run. I need to get so far away from this horrible place and have it wiped from my memory forever. My heart starts to race at the thought of being locked in here. I can’t handle it. I’m going to go crazy.

The guard’s eyes watch me closely as if he’s seen this many times before. He must know when a man is close to the edge.

“Just eat your dinner and go to sleep,” he says.

I drop my head again.

“Just eat your dinner and go to sleep,” he repeats, somehow knowing that those words will calm me.

I nod reluctantly.

“Just eat your dinner and go to sleep,” he says softly as he closes the door behind me. I swallow the lump of fear in my throat as I hear the key turn in the lock. His eyes hold mine for a moment through the bars and I want to beg him to let me out. I’m innocent. I didn’t do this.

He gives me a sympathetic smile. “Joshua, just eat your dinner and go to sleep,” he repeats again as he gestures to the bed.

I nod and find those words more comforting than he will ever know as I watch his back disappear down the long corridor.

I turn toward the bed and see the silver tray on the end and repeat the words in my head. Just eat your dinner and go to sleep. My heart is racing and I feel like I am about to have a heart attack. I keep repeating those words again and again in my head as I cling onto them for a lifeline and as if on autopilot I do just that. I eat the cold dinner and make the bed with the linen they have supplied and I lie down knowing that the only relief I will ever have in my life again is when I dream of my precious girl and her unwavering love. She is with me. I can do this.

I wake cold and shivering as I listen to the sound of skin slapping as two people have sex somewhere down the hall. They are both groaning in pleasure and I somehow find comfort in knowing that it is consensual. How has this happened? From the bed I look around at my surroundings. This place is a fucking shithole and my eyes glance across the hall to see a young man standing with his arms through the bars, staring at me. God, how is he eighteen? He looks fifteen at a pinch. I frown. How do people fall into this life?

“What’s up?” he says.

I nod in response but don’t reply.

“I’m Cody,” he calls.

I nod again. I’m not in the fucking mood to talk shit. Just go away. An alarm sounds and the doors all slide open in tandem and everyone starts to walk down the hallway to the right. I lie still, frozen. What the hell is going on?

“Breakfast,” the kid calls.

I don’t want to go anywhere. I stay lying in bed. The kid walks into my cell. “What’s your name?” he asks.

“Fuck off,” I snap.