“I am. I’ve never felt this way before,” she said. “Maybe your hookup will turn into something serious too, and we can both get happily-ever-afters.”
I forced a laugh, trying not to think about how tempting the prospect was. “That’s very unlikely.”
“Oh well.” She shrugged. “I’m ordering tacos. You want?”
“Yeah.” I watched her leave and close the door behind her. I felt awful for lying to her, but Jason and I would probably never hook up again, so there wasn’t really any point in telling her something had happened between us.
I spent the rest of the day in bed catching up on my reading. Every weekend, I read either a new bestseller or an old classic, and they were real, physical books, too—I didn’t do electronic reading devices when I read for pleasure. I loved the smell of real paper novels.
Usually, when I was reading, the whole world around me faded to nothing, but today, even as I reread one of my favorite classics, I kept thinking of Jason.
I thought about the sharp slash of his upper lip, the curve of his lower lip, the way he sighed when I bit his nipple, the way the storm in his eyes raged and rolled. I thought of the hardness of his body and how it felt to touch him.
I thought about texting him, but what would I say? There was nothing left to be said, and I knew deep down it would be foolish to indulge my desire to reach out to him just for the sake of keeping our connection open.
I read until late in the night and when I finally slept, I dreamed about him, and then I woke up wishing he were there in bed with me.
The rest of the week, I buried myself in my work, going through manuscripts like my life depended on it. I stayed behind in the office till late and still brought work home with me. I did everything to make sure my mind was continuously busy, because as soon I had a spare idle moment, I was enveloped by thoughts of Jason Wild.
I was obsessed, and it confused me,
because I’d never felt that way about any man before. It’s the sex, I told myself. Good sex could have such an effect. I refused to consider that it could be more than that. How could it be? I barely even knew the guy.
Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
“You’re working again.”
Amy was standing over me with her hands on her hips. She was dressed to go out, but even with her small frame, she looked almost motherly as she hovered above me.
I covered the screen of my iPad. “How do you know?”
“You read real books when you’re reading on your own time.”
“Okay, you caught me.” I chuckled. “I didn’t think you’d noticed.”
She shrugged. “You’ve been working a whole lot. Maybe you should take some time off, call up the guy from last weekend. Have some fun, let off some steam…”
“I don’t think I’m working too hard, and the guy…he’s old news.”
“Then someone else,” she said. “Really, you’re so wound up I can feel it from across the room.”
I laughed. “It’s just stress from work. I’m fine.” I was lying—the stress was from keeping myself from reaching for my phone to call her brother every minute of every day.
“If you say so,” she said. “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.” Her phone buzzed. “Colin’s here—gotta go.”
“Give him a kiss for me,” I said as she hurried out to meet him.
After she had gone, I stared at the words on my screen, but I couldn’t make sense of them.
As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.
Only, I wasn’t happy. I was miserable, and the fact that I was feeling that way over a man was alien to me. I didn’t know how to deal with it.
I forced myself to focus on the manuscript. It was a young adult fantasy and some of the concepts were dated, but on the whole, the story had some originality. I read one more chapter then my phone rang.
It was Jason.
My heart kicked in my chest and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. I stared at his name flashing on the screen, almost certain I had imagined it.