I should have let him go back into the night, back to wherever he’d come from. I shouldn’t have asked him to stay. Now, even the semblance of peace was gone, and I was a wreck.
I can’t do this anymore.
I remembered the pain, the panic, the realization that the fears that had marred my enjoyment of award season that year and the sinking feeling that the worry of my marriage ending had finally come to fruition.
I shared the blame. I’d been so busy that year after our marriage, going from one location to the next. My career was in the early stages, and pulling out of prior commitments would have been suicide. Braden had been unhappy, but he never insisted I change anything, never stood in my way.
So, I ignored his unhappiness and mine. I worked so hard that in a year of marriage we didn’t spend more than a couple of weeks together, most of which I spent in exhausted sleep, even when he’d traveled halfway across the world to see me.
In the end, he couldn’t take it anymore. I’d known, the day of the Oscars, that it was the end. Instinct told me I would lose him, and the fear turned to anger then determination to show him I had a life without him.
Now, two years later, it made no sense to me, how I’d deliberately ignored him that night, how I’d stubbornly refused to listen to the voice inside that told me I was pushing him away forever.
My pride had won, and by the end of the night, I’d lost him.
“I can’t take it anymore, Allie.” Then he was gone, leaving me in an empty house with a cold naked Oscar for company.
It had been pure agony. The headlines had been brutal.
Wrong timing!
Perfect match, imperfect timing!
Quickie wedding, quicker separation!
They were hilarious, but they hurt. They really really hurt.
Within a few weeks, he was photographed with another woman, and my team finally prevailed on me to make the announcement that we were separated. The Guylies rejoiced while I cried myself to sleep, and in the months that followed, I buried myself in my career. I worked without a break for three straight years, ignoring the tabloids, the rumors, the stories…until I ended up in the hospital.
I wiped my eyes and burrowed under the covers, hating the memories and how they made me feel. I spent the rest of the night trapped in my thoughts, and it wasn’t until the darkness outside the window started to turn gray that I finally fell asleep.
Fourteen
Braden
I was up early, mainly because I hadn’t slept at all. The thought of Allie in my bed wasn’t particularly conducive to a good night’s rest.
After changing into workout clothes, I went to the fully equipped gym and spent an hour working out until I had exhausted every muscle group in my body. As I sat on the bench, Sam appeared with a glass of water on a tiny tray.
I took the water and downed it. Then I got up and walked over to one of the long glass windows. Outside, it was snowing furiously. I frowned and turned back to Sam, who was waiting for me to say something.
“I should have been informed that she was here,” I said quietly.
The older man nodded. “You would have been.”
“I don’t mean after she’d left. I mean I should have been told as soon as she started making arrangements to come here.”
He stood straighter, which shouldn’t have been possible as he was already ramrod straight. “I assumed it was still her home, as I haven’t been informed otherwise. Good morning, sir.”
I watched him walk away. Even Sam, old as he was, was wrapped around her little finger. My staff was supposed to be loyal to me, not to the woman who’d broken my heart.
Well, she could have them, and the house too, whenever she decided.
I went to take a shower then walked downstairs, where Colleen was setting up dishes in the breakfast room. There were strings of holly lining the edges of the ceiling and faint Christmas music sounded from the hidden speakers. I’d noticed the Christmas tree in the living room, the mistletoe and holly on the front door, probably all Allie’s doing.
“Good morning, Mr. Rhodes,” Colleen said cheerily.
“Good morning,” I grunted in reply. In all the years she and her husband had worked for me, this was the first time I’d had any reason to be pissed at them, and while I couldn’t very well lose them over their fondness for Allie, I wasn’t going to act as if I wasn’t annoyed.