My hand was shaking so badly I was lucky I didn't drop the whole thing in the toilet. “I don't see anything yet.”
“I'm timing,” Mary Lou said. “It takes three minutes max.”
“Three minutes,” Mary Lou yelled again, and she opened the door. “Well?”
Little black dots were dancing in front of my eyes and my lips felt numb. “I'm going to faint.” I sat down hard on the floor and put my head between my knees.
Mary Lou took the test strip. “Negative. Yes!”
“God, that was close. I was really worried. We used condoms every single time, but Bella said—”
“Joe's Grandma Bella?” Mary Lou gasped. “Oh shit! Bella didn't give you the eye, did she? Remember when she put it on Raymond Cone and all his hair fell out?”
“Worse than that, she told me I was pregnant.”
“Then that's it,” Mary Lou said
. “The test is wrong.”
“What do you mean the test is wrong? The test isn't wrong. Johnson and Johnson doesn't make mistakes.”
“Bella knows these things.”
I got up off the floor and splashed water on my face. “Bella's a crackpot.” Even as I said it I was mentally doing the sign of the cross.
“How far overdue are you?”
“I'm not actually overdue yet.”
“Wait a minute. You can't take this test if you aren't overdue. I thought you knew that.”
“What?”
“It takes time to develop the hormone. When's your period?”
“I don't know. In about a week, I guess. Are you telling me this test isn't valid?”
“That's what I'm telling you.”
“Fuck!”
“I gotta go,” Mary Lou said. “I told Lennie I'd bring pizza home for supper. You want to eat with us?”
“No. Thanks anyway.”
After Mary Lou left I slouched in the chair in the living room and stared at the blank television screen. Taking the pregnancy test had exhausted me.
I heard a car pull up and footsteps on the pavement outside the house. It was another little Italian lady.
“I'm Joseph's Aunt Loretta,” she said, handing me a foil-?topped casserole. “I just heard. And don't worry, dear, these things happen. We don't talk about it, but Joseph's mother had sort of a hurry-?up wedding, too, if you know what I mean.”
“It's not what it seems.”
“The important thing is that you eat good food. You aren't throwing up, are you?”
“Not yet.”
“Don't worry about getting the dish back to me. You can give it to me at the shower.”