We were exhausted after all this activity, so we went back to my apartment and Bob took a nap and I took a shower. I put some gel in my hair and scrunched it up so there were lots of curls. I did the mascara and eyeliner thing and finished with lip gloss. I might not solve any problems today, but I looked pretty damn good.
A half hour later Bob and I sailed into Vinnie's office, ready to go to work.
“Uh-oh,” Lula said, “Bob's on the job.” She bent down to scratch Bob's head. “Hey Bob, what's up.”
“We're still looking for Eddie DeChooch,” I said. “Anyone know where his nephew Ronald lives?”
Connie wrote a couple addresses on a sheet of paper and handed it over to me. “Ronald has a house on Cherry Street, but you'll have more luck finding him at work at this time of the day. He runs a paving company, Ace Pavers, on Front Street, down by the river.”
I pocketed the addresses, leaned close to Connie, and lowered my voice. “Is there anything on the street about Dougie Kruper?”
“Like what?” Connie asked.
“Like he's missing.”
The door to Vinnie's office burst open and Vinnie stuck his head out. “What do you mean he's missing?”
I looked up at Vinnie. “How did you hear that? I was whispering, and you had your door closed.”
“I got ears in my ass,” Vinnie said. “I hear everything.”
Connie ran her fingers along the desk edges. “Goddamn you,” Connie said, “you planted a bug again.” She emptied her cup filled with pencils, rifled through her drawers, emptied the contents of her purse onto the desktop. “Where is it, you little worm?”
“There's no bug,” Vinnie said. “I'm telling you I got good ears. I got radar.”
Connie found the bug stuck to the bottom of her telephone. She ripped it off and smashed it with her gun butt. Then she dropped the gun back into her purse and threw the bug in the trash.
“Hey,” Vinnie said, “that was company property!”
“What's with Dougie?” Lula asked. “Isn't he coming tip to trial?”
“Mooner said he and Dougie were supposed to watch wrestling together on Dougie's big screen, and Dougie never showed up. He thinks something bad's happened to Dougie.”
“Wouldn't catch me missing a chance to see those wrestling guys wearing little spandex panties on a big screen,” Lula said.
Connie and I agreed. A girl would have to be crazy to miss all that beefcake on a big screen.
“I haven't heard anything,” Connie said, “but I'll ask around.” The front door to the office crashed open and Joyce Barnhardt stormed in. Her red hair was teased out to its full potential. She was wearing SWAT-type pants and shirt, the pants tight across her butt and the shirt unbuttoned halfway down her sternum, showing a black bra and a lot of cleavage. BOND ENFORCEMENT was written in white letters across the back of the shirt. Her eyes were black-rimmed, and her lashes were heavily mascaraed.
Bob hid under Connie's desk, and Vinni
e ducked into his office and locked the door. A while back, after a short consultation with his johnson, Vinnie had agreed to hire Joyce on as an apprehension agent. Mr. Nasty was still happy with the decision, but the rest of Vinnie didn't know what to do with Joyce.
“Vinnie, you limp dick, I saw you sneak back into your office. Get the hell out here,” Joyce yelled.
“Nice to see you in such a good mood,” Lula said to Joyce.
“Some dog did his business on my lawn again. This is the second time this week.”
“Guess you have to expect that when you get your dates from the animal shelter,” Lula said.
“Don't push me, fatso.”
Lula narrowed her eyes. “Who you calling fatso? You call me fatso again and I'll rearrange your face.”
“Fatso, fat ass, lard butt, blimpo . . .”
Lula launched herself at Joyce, and the two of them went down to the floor, scratching and clawing. Bob stayed firmly under the desk. Vinnie hid in his office. And Connie moseyed over, waited for her opportunity, and buzzed Joyce on the ass with the stun gun. Joyce let out a squeak and went inert.