Ten Big Ones (Stephanie Plum 10)

'Well, okay, maybe they aren't real safe. But they're safe enough in a car. What could happen to you in a car?'

Problem was, Lula and I were sort of the Abbott and Costello of law enforcement. Things happened to us all the time. Things that weren't normal.

'Give me a break,' Lula said. `I don't want to go back and file. I'd rather ride through hell than file.'

'Okay,' I said on a sigh. 'We'll do a drive-through.' Abbott and that jerk Marty Sklar. He's the one who started all this.'

I felt my eyebrows shoot halfway up my forehead. 'Marty Sklar is the guy who made a pass at you?'

'Do you know him?' Sally asked.

'I went to school with him. He was a big macho football player.

And he married Barbara Jean Biabloki, the pom-pom queen.' It was a perfect match. They deserved each other. Sklar was a bully, and Barbara Jean thought she could walk on water because she grew perfect breasts. Last I heard, Sklar was working in his father-in-law's

Toyota dealership, and Barbara Jean had porked up to biblical proportions. 'Was Sklar drunk?'

'Fuckin' A. Oh crap!' Snap, snap.

'You gotta remember about fudge,' Grandma said.

Sally nodded. 'Fudgin' A.'

We all did a mental eeyeuuw. Fudgin' A didn't sound tasty coming out of Sally's mouth.

'Maybe fudge don't work for that one time,' Grandma said.

If I could get Sklar to drop the charges against Sally, and we had a sympathetic judge, I could save Sally the expense of a second bond. 'You're not going anywhere,' I said to Sally. 'I don't need to bring you in today. I'll talk to Sklar and see what I can do about getting the charges dropped.'

'No shit!' Snap.

'You better clean up your mouth, or you're gonna lose that hand,' Lula said to Sally. 'You're gonna amputate yourself

'F-f-fudge,' Sally said.

Grandma looked down at her watch. 'You're going to have to take me home now. I have a beauty-parlor appointment this afternoon, and I don't want to be late. I got a lot of ground to cover today what with the shooting and all.'

This was a good deal for me because the negotiation with Marty

Sklar would go better without Grandma present. In fact, I'd prefer to do it without Lula but I didn't think that was going to happen. I pointed the Buick toward the Burg and motored across town. I dropped Grandma off in front of my parents' house. My sister's car was still in the driveway.

'They're plann

ing the wedding,' Grandma said. 'Ordinarily I'd be right there, but it looks to me like this is going on for days. They spent two hours this morning talking about what land of suit Mr

Cutie Uggums was going to wear. I don't know how your mother does it. That woman has the patience of a saint.'

'Who's Mr Cutie Uggums?' Lula wanted to know.

'Albert Kloughn. He and Valerie are getting married.'

'That's scary,' Lula said.

Melvin Biabloki's Toyota dealership took up half a block on South

Broad Street. It wasn't the biggest or the best dealership in the state, but according to Burg gossip it made enough money to send

Melvin and his wife on a cruise every February and to give a job to his son-in-law.