If I'm to believe Diesel, there are people on this planet who have abilities that go beyond what would be considered normal human limitations. These people aren't exactly superheroes. It's more that they're ordinary souls with the freakish ability to levitate a cow or slow-pitch a lightning bolt. Some are good and some are bad. Diesel tracks the bad. The alternative explanation for Diesel is that he's a wacko.
“What's Beaner's problem?” I asked.
Diesel dropped a small leftover chunk of cheese into Rex's cage and gave another chunk to Bob. “Gone off the edge. His marriage went into the shitter, and he blamed it on another Unmentionable. Now he's out to get her.”
“Unmentionable?”
“That's what we call ourselves. It sounds better than freak of nature.”
Only marginally.
Bob was pushing against Diesel, trying to get him to give up more cheese. Bob was about ninety pounds of rangy dog, and Diesel was two hundred of hard muscle. It would take a lot more than Bob to bulldoze Diesel around my kitchen.
“And you're in my apartment, why?” I asked Diesel.
“I need help.”
“No. No, no, no, no, no.”
“You have no choice, sweetie pie. The woman Beaner's looking for is on your most-wanted list. And she's in my custody. If you want your big-ticket bond, you have to help me.”
“That's horrible. That's blackmail or bribery or something.”
“Yeah. Deal with it.”
“Who's the woman?” I asked Diesel.
“Annie Hart.”
“You've gotta be kidding. Vinnie's on a rant over her. I spent all day yesterday looking for her. She's wanted for armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon.”
“It's all bogus… not that either of us gives a rats ass.” Diesel was systematically going through my cupboards looking for food, and Bob was sticking close. “Anyway, bottom line is I've got her tucked away until I can sort things out with crazy Bernie.”
“Bernie is the… um, Unmentionable who's after Annie?”
“Yeah. Problem is, Annie's one of those crusader types. Takes her job real serious. Says it's her calling. So, the only way I could get Annie to stay hidden was to promise her I'd take over her caseload. I suck at the kind of stuff she does, so I'm passing it off to you.”
“And what do I get out of this?”
“You get Annie. As soon as I take care of Bernie, I'll turn Annie over to you.”
“I don't see where this is a big favor to me. If I don't help you, Annie will come out of hiding, I'll snag her, and my job will be done.”
Diesel had his thumbs hooked into his jeans pockets; his eyes were locked onto mine, his expression was serious. “What'll it take? I need help with this, and everyone has a price. What's yours? How about twenty bucks when you close a case?”
“A hundred, and nothing illegal or life-threatening.”
“Deal,” Diesel said.
Here's the sad truth, I had nothing better to do. And I needed money. The bonds office was beyond slow. I had one FTA to hunt down, and Diesel had her locked away.
“Just exactly what am I supposed to do?” I asked him. “Annie's bond agreement lists her occupation as a relationship expert.”
Diesel gave a bark of laughter. “Relationship expert. I guess that could cover it.”
“I don't even know what that means! What the heck is a relationship expert?”
Diesel had dropped a battered leather knapsack onto my counter when he popped into my kitchen. He went.to the knapsack, removed a large yellow envelope, and handed it over to me. “It's all in this envelope.”