“My lips are sealed. I'm only here in case you need backup. Like suppose she tries some karate moves or she pulls a gun on you.”
“I don't think that's going to happen.”
“You never know. Best to be prepared, I always say. People are unpredictable. I learned that in my human behavior course at the community college. Did I ever tell you I took a human behavior course?”
“Yes.”
“It could help in this situation. It's just about qualified me to be a relationship expert. Plus I got a lot of expertise all those years when I was a 'ho. I bet I could relationship the ass off you.”
“No doubt. Let me talk anyway.”
Loretta made her way down to us. “Ladies?” she said.
“Diet Coke and tuna on rye,” I told her.
“I'll have the Beetle special sandwich and cheese fries and a Coke,” Lula said.
I looked at my watch. It was twelve-thirty. “What about your afternoon diet?”
"It's more like a suggestion than a rule. And anyway, I
thought since we're working on these cases I should keep my strength up. I might get all weak and hypoglycemic if I don't have cheese fries."
“So,” Loretta said. “Working ladies.”
“Yep. We're relationship experts,” Lula said. “We fix up relationships. You got any that needs fixin'?”
“No. I'm good with relationships. I'm in a dreamy one right now. He's a lawyer.”
“You don't look like the lawyer type,” Lula said. “You look like… some other type.”
Loretta drew my drink and slid it down the bar at me. “I'm lots of types. This is a really good job for meeting men. I go out with them and get them to buy me some jewelry and then when it looks like they're gonna say the L word I split. I got this necklace I'm wearing from a veterinarian.”
“It's a good necklace,” Lula said. “And you look like the veterinarian type more than the lawyer type. Maybe you should go back with him.”
“He was a loser,” Loretta said. “He kept talking about how he wanted a family.” She wrinkled her nose. “Eeeuw, kids. Ick. I hate kids. And he was always rushing off to save some dumb cat or dog. I mean, what's with that? Who wants a boyfriend who makes you rush through dessert just because some cat got run over by a dump truck?”
“What a creep,” Lula said. “Imagine rushing you through dessert. I wouldn't stand for that.”
“The lawyer's a lot better,” Loretta said. “He has a wife and kids, so I don't have to worry about the L word. The L word is okay if it's insincere.”
“Boy you got it all figured out,” Lula said.
Loretta moved off to the other end of the bar.
“What was that?” I asked Lula. “You were supposed to let me do the talking.”
“Well excuse me, Ms. Control Freak. It just worked out this way. You weren't taking advantage of the moment.”
Turned out it didn't matter a whole lot anyway. I liked Gary Martin, and I hated Loretta Flack. Loretta Flack was bitchzilla. I couldn't in good conscience fix things so that Martin was stuck with Flack.
The sandwiches and fries arrived, and we dug in.
“I'm liking this,” Lula said. “We didn't get spit on or shot at all day, and I feel like a big Cupid. Of course, we haven't gotten anybody together like we're supposed to, but it feels like love is in the air. Don't you feel love in the air? How many more cases we got?”
“Three. Next up is Larry Burlew. He's got his eye on someone but can't get to meet her. I've already skimmed the file. Burlew is a butcher. Works at Sal's Meat Market on Broad. The woman of his dreams works in the coffee shop across the street. According to Annie's notes, Burlew is shy.”
“That's cute,” Lula said. “A shy butcher. I got a good feeling about him. And I wouldn't mind some pork chops for dinner tonight.”