“What was that?” Jeanine wanted to know “What happened?”
“That might have been a orgasm,” Lula said.
“Yikes,” Jeanine said. “It sounded painful.”
Lula sat back. “Yeah, it was probably fake, but I guess it was supposed to be a big one.”
Jeanine poured herself another glass of wine.
“I think he's getting to the end,” Lula said. “I can tell on account of all the veins have popped out in Big Chief's face, and he looks like he's gonna have a heart attack. How long's he been doing this anyway?”
“It's been going on for about forty minutes now,” I told her.
“Nobody got staying power like Big Chief,” Lula said. “He did it in the back of a car one time for ninety minutes. The film is a classic. And I hear they had to hook him up to one of them IV fluid bags when he was done.”
“This is kind of scary,” Jeanine said. “Maybe I should learn CPR.”
“It won't be scary,” I said to Jeanine. “You'll be fine. Just keep singing 'Jingle Bells.'”
It was early afternoon when I dropped Grandma off at my parents' house.
“Sorry you missed the viewing,” I told her.
“That's okay,” she said. “It's not every day I get to see a real good educational film. And I'll get another crack at Elaine tonight.”
I watched to make sure Grandma got inside, and then I took off. I drove two blocks, and my cell phone rang.
“I'm right behind you,” Diesel said. “Pull over and park. I want to talk to you.”
I parked at the curb and got out of my car. Diesel did the same. He was driving a shiny black Corvette that was in direct contrast to all the other salt-and-grime-encrusted cars on the road.
“Nice car,” I said. “Clean.”
“How'd it go with Betty Beaner?”
“Turns out Bernie snores.”
“And?”
“Betty can't sleep. She wants her own room, so she can sleep.”
“That's it?”
“She wants a television in the room. And she wants better sex.”
“Honey, we all want better sex.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“What?” Diesel said.
“Someone needs to talk to Bernie.”
“Not me.”
“I thought you were the big sex hotshot.”
“I do okay, but I'm not giving Bernie a birds and bees talk. Guys don't do that. It's… weird.”