“He's out of town,” Diesel said.
I inadvertently made a sort of strangling sound. “Ulk.”
“It was all I could think of,” Diesel whispered. “I'm not good at this crap.”
My mother sucked in some air. “You're pregnant,” she said.
“No!”
“Isn't this fab?” Valerie gurgled. “Two new babies!”
Now my father was on his feet. “Babies? Who's having babies?”
“Stephanie,” Valerie said. “She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.”
My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. “Not the psycho,” he said.
Diesel blew out a sigh.
My father turned to my mother. “Get me the carving knife. Make sure its sharp.”
The doorbell rang again, and Lula and Connie rushed in with the cake. It was a huge wedding cake. Three tiers with a bride and groom on top.
“We got it,” Lula said. “Mary Beth Krienski got cold feet and called off her wedding over the weekend, and we got this kick-ass bargain cake. Tasty Pastry was getting ready to heave it into the Dumpster. We got there just in time.”
“It's yellow cake with lemon between the layers,” Connie said.
“Put the cake on the dining room table,” Grandma said. “Do I look okay for the pictures? Is my hair okay?”
Pictures! Val would want wedding pictures. “I didn't think to bring a camera,” I said.
“That's okay,” Valerie said. “I brought my camera.”
“Yeah, and Connie and me stopped at the store and got one of them happy-snappy things,” Lula said.
“You gotta have pictures of the bride,” Grandma said.
All eyes turned to me. I'd gotten rushed out of the house this morning. I was still wearing the clothes I grabbed off the floor, and I had a ball cap on my head. And two big red hives on my face.
“That's okay, pumpkin,” Diesel said to me. “I think you look… cute.”
I introduced Annie and the justice of the peace, and Albert Kloughn broke out in a sweat.
“I thought I recognized you,” he said to Annie. “We met just once, and it was a while ago.”
Annie smiled at him. “It's so nice to see you again, Albert.”
Albert was wearing a suit and tie, and he tugged at his shirt collar. “Can't breathe,” he said.
“I'm in a hurry to get married,” I yelled.
“We need to get some papers signed,” Annie said. “Albert, you sign here as a witness. And Valerie. And here for Stephanie.”
I watched Diesel sign. “Just Diesel?” I said to him. “No last name?”
“That's all I've got,” Diesel said. “My name's Diesel.”
“I need a bathroom,” Albert said.